27 SEPTEMBER 2014 will forever be known as the day we overdosed on sport. Just read this list of events scheduled for the day and then try to refrain from swooning with knee-buckling pleasure:
Conor McGregor vs Dustin Poirier,
Day two of the Ryder Cup,
All-Ireland hurling final replay,
Merseyside derby,
North London derby,
Munster vs Ospreys,
Rugby Championship action and a host of other Premier League games.
Basically, this is the sports television Super Bowl/Woodstock/some other cultural cliche and we have created a handy event-by-event guide to ensure you don’t miss anything important throughout the day.
Event 1 – Breakfast (extra hearty)
You have a big day of sports watching ahead of you so make sure you give yourself a good base. I would recommend something greasy; possibly a fry or a breakfast roll. If your significant other or a family member is trying to get you to eat healty just remember what Dublin GAA legend Vinnie Murphy once said: “A Ferrari can run on any fuel”.
Event 2 – Ryder Cup 7am-7pm
It is hard to know what time the Ryder Cup will actually kick off but according to Sky’s television listings their live coverage runs from 7am-7pm. Obviously be judicious and only watch when you need to. A savvy sports watcher will have the Ryder Cup on their laptop all day allowing their television to be used for more dynamic live events.
Event 3 – The Merseyside derby 12.45
Whether you have Sky or watch this at a pub or on a laptop using certain sites, Liverpool vs Everton is when the sh*t gets real on sports television D-Day.
QUICK BREAK
After the Merseyside derby it would be wise to stretch your legs momentarily, lest you develop coach sores from sitting stationery for too long. Also, have a light lunch, which of course must involve some sort of sausage sandwich. Possibly a bratwurst.
Event 4 – Premier League feedbag 15.00
Stick on Gillette Soccer Saturday and keep up with all of these Premier League fixtures:
Chelsea vs Aston Villa
Man United vs West Ham
Hull vs Man City
Crystal Palace vs Leicester
Southampton vs QPR
Sunderland vs Swansea
Mid-session interlude
South Africa host Australia in the Rugby Championship at 16.05 so depending on your sporting persuasion, you may prefer to switch to this.
Event 5 – All-Ireland hurling final replay 17.00
It is Kilkenny vs Tipperary V but hopefully it turns out a good deal better than the putrid fifth installment of Rocky. The first final was a cracker, and this one is arguably the day’s swing-event.
If it turns out to be another belter, the wave of sporting euphoria will carry you into the night’s action with a sh*t-eating grin on your face, but if it is a dud (unlikely, I know) you might place too much expectations on the sporting contests to come. So put an NB beside this one.
Event 6 – The North London derby 17.30
It is the second marquee derby of the day as Arsenal host Spurs at the Emirates. This is where your laptop is a must, so you can have the hurling on your tv and the football on a side-table.
Also, it has been awhile since you’ve had a feed, so make sure you have some crisps handy. If you go through sports television D-Day without eating Pringles, you have really done something horribly wrong.
Event 7 – Munster vs Ospreys 18.30
Another bit of evening rugby for you to delight in. Anthony Foley’s Munster side haven’t had the best start to the season and they host the in-form Welsh outfit at Thomond Park. If you are a football and a rugby fan, do your best to toggle between this and Arsenal-Spurs.
Event 8 – Dinner
You’ve had a long day of golf, hurling, football and rugby and you deserve to feast at this juncture. Perhaps some sort of pizza or Chinese takeaway? Yes, that would be a fitting reward for the herculean effort you put into watching so much sports.
Event 9 – Argentina vs the All Blacks 23.00
It might be hard to stay up for Conor McGregor’s fight without something to keep you occupied so maybe squeeze this Rugby Championship encounter into your schedule to ensure you don’t nod off.
Event 10 – Conor McGregor vs Dustin Poirier 03.00 (approximately)
It is hard to know for definite what time McGregor will fight at because some of it depends on the length of the fights before him but this is a safe estimate. So you have three choices:
A) Stay up and patiently wait for the fight.
B) Go to sleep and set your alarm so you wake up.
C) Go on a night out and get home just in time for the fight.
There seems to be an obvious choice there, and I will let you good people decipher which one it is.
So there it is; the day of days, the sports television D-Day, the Super Bowl of sports watching. Go forth, and have the most pleasurable sports viewing experience of your entire life.
