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Dublin: 3 °C Saturday 17 March, 2018

Tipp’s masterplan: the untold story of Lar and Pa vs Tommy and Jackie

… or how four talented hurlers played out an afternoon of farce in Croke Park.

“Here, Pa! PA! Never mind the ball, didn’t Deccie tell you to keep an eye on Tommy?”

“When you find him, just grab him like this or something. Nobody ever won an All-Star by chasing the ball.”

“Lar! LAR! Can I just hang on to him or does it have to be a proper headlock? I can’t reach.”

“Hang on there a sec and I’ll show ya. Me and Jackie are just stretching out. It’s not easy for us aul’ lads.”

“Tackling drills as well, Jack? Does Cody not make ye do a proper warm-up any more?”

“Ah here Pa, would you ever hang on to him properly? I’m coming.”

“WHEEEEEE. WHEEEEEEE. Look at me, Lar, I’m doing great.”

"Do ya fancy a swap for a bit there, Pa? Jackie's doing that glazed-over eyes thing again and it's freaking me out. Shoo, shoo."

"What? No, I never told Jackie I wouldn't serve him down the pub, Paul. I said he played well against the Dubs."

"Rock, paper, scissors for a switch? Jackie said he's gonna give me another one to match. And he's still making that face."

"I don't care if rock crushes scissors, we'll just double-mark Tommy. You hold his hurl and I'll tickle him."

"What's that for ref? Sure we're only playing a bit of hurling."

All images (c) INPHO / James Crombie / Donall Farmer / Cathal Noonan

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About the author:

Niall Kelly

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