IT’S THURSDAY, AND you know what that means…
The weekend is nearly in sight, and you might be finding it difficult to motivate yourself in work with all the excitement and anticipation. Well, don’t worry – we’ve got you covered.
Here’s a foolproof guide to making sure your boss has no idea how low your productivity levels have fallen…
1. The art of illusion
Always leave a jacket slung over the back of your chair, so it’ll look like you just nipped out or are somewhere in the building. If you want to be doubly sneaky, even leave a dupe bag or briefcase behind. Meanwhile, go for a walk and stretch your legs. Grab a coffee, even. Read the paper. Who’s to know?
2. Oh no they’re not
Want to see who’s coming up behind you before they have a chance to glimpse what’s on your computer monitor? Simple. Install a fisheye mirror to your cubicle wall (or computer) so you’ll never be on the back-foot again.
3. Beam me up…
Ever heard of “Scotty’s Principle”? Urban Dictionary says it derives from Star Trek, where Scotty “consistently made the seemingly impossible happen just in time to save the crew of the Enterprise from disaster.”
Basically, the Princple dictates that when given a task, you should estimate how long it should take, then add on 25-50% additional time, report back with the inflated timeframe, then seem to be much more efficient than you are when you consistently deliver on tasks unexpectedly early.
4. Props to you
If you’re getting up from your desk to have a little time-wasting walkabout session, always carry a folder or bunch of papers. It makes you look like you’re on your way to or from somewhere, rather than just striding around aimlessly.
5. Back it up
This is a classic for workshy lazybones the world over: make sure you have a few applications and documents working in the background. Use Excel a lot as part of your job? Have some open, just in case you need to click away from Farmville in a hurry.
6. SWALK
Work in an office with a strict internet use policy? Here’s a little tip: copy and paste the text from long-form articles you want to read, then email them to yourself. Bingo, you’ve got some reading material for that 3pm slump – and no one in management is any the wiser.
And if you’re still thinking about your plans for the weekend, check out Horrible Bosses 2 – in all good cinemas tomorrow, 26 November. Nick, Dale and Kurt decide to launch their own business, but things don’t go exactly to plan… Starring Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Spacey and Jamie Foxx.
