AFTER MASTERMINDING DONEGAL’S first All Ireland win for 20 years, Jim McGuinness has had all kinds of job offers on the table.
He’s taken on to get Celtic back on track, Europe’s Ryder Cup team will also soon experience McGuinness’ own special brand of tough love and Bradford’s Carl McHugh will be guided through the tumult of an appearance at Wembley by his fellow Donegalegian.
But, these were just the easy stuff McGuinness could tick off in an instant. Here’s the other things on his to-do list…
1. Clean up cycling
Bas Czerwinski/AP/Press Association Image
Move over David and Paul.
2. Fix The Late Late Show
Jimmy would present the crap out of Friday nights, but which former host would he be closest to?
3. Find Manti Te’o's girlfriend
Lennay Kekua could be out there not-dead somewhere, but this ain’t her.
4.Get Tiger and Elin back together
Or at make sure R-Patz and K-Stew remain a couple.
5. Find life on Mars
(Nick Ut/AP/Press Association Images)
The truth is out there, Jimmy.
6. Get Trap to play expansive football
Tardelli would wanna look uncomfortable. Jimmy’s after his job.
7. Sort out the Israel-Palestine conflict on his way to achieving world peace
There’s nothing an eight-mile run won’t fix.
8. Talk some sense into the Healy-Raes
(Mark Stedman/ PhotoCall Ireland)
They’re beyond the pale, beyond reason, but not beyond Jimmy – he knows his way round Tralee.
9. Broker a truce between Spillane and Brolly
Lets not get into who schemozzled who. Lets just bury the hatchet.
10. Get Rory McIlroy into the Olympics
We’d all be happy with him playing under the NI flag, right?
He’ll only win silver anyway, because by then Jimmy will be the mentor / guru to the fire and ice combo of Padraig Harrington and Shane Lowry.
11. Rid football of diving
(©INPHO/Cathal Noonan)
We mean Association Football, obviously no such thing would ever happen here in Ireland. Not on Jimmy’s watch.
12. Bring back 100% beef burgers
Poor old Rummy.
