THE LEAVING CERT is but a week away, and while the students sweat and stress over their final hours of study, past Leaving Cert students reminisce on times gone by.
Showing off. Scoffing. Complaining about how easy it is for kids these days.
“Sure I don’t even remember what points I got.*”
*I remember my exact points and subject breakdown, but I’m not going to let on, am I.
“I still get nightmares about English Paper 1.”
And they’re no less terrifying than they were almost 20 years ago.
“At least they don’t have to do Peig any more.”
From here, launch into a long winded misty-eyed tale about studying Peig – despite having never even read the whole thing, instead begging the teacher for a ten-page English synopsis.
“There are pictures on the English Paper now. What sort of simple guff is that?”
You wouldn’t have heard of such a thing back in the day. Babying them, they are now. Babying!
“We went MAD on the last day. Burned our jumpers on the lawn in front of the school, we did.*”
*They didn’t.
“Oh, I didn’t do a tap of study and I did fine.”
So nonchalant! If only they could have seen you back in 1999, sweating over the Krebs Cycle. If only.
“The Leaving Cert is a memory test.”
You weren’t complaining when you got an A2 in Geography for your brilliant essay on pyroclastic flows. Speaking of…
“I could still write a good essay about pyroclastic flows.”
That one essay that was learned by heart (and subsequently squeezed into an almost totally unrelated question) is still seared on your brain.
“You don’t use Soundings? *scoffs*”
What other, inferior poetry book are they learning from now? PSSH.
“You won’t even remember this in five years’ time.”
Comfort a stressed-out Leaving Cert student by belittling their entire experience. Sure that’s the way!
“LÉIGH ANOIS GO CURAMACH NA TREOIRACHA AGUS NA CEISTEANNA A GHABANN LE CUID AH.”
Don’t forget to do the voice!
