TALKING TO PEOPLE is hard. We all know that. There are so many minefields and pitfalls and traps to fall into that it’s surprising we ever leave the house, to be honest.
It’d be great if all of the following things could never happen to any of us, ever again. Can someone please sort that out for us?
1. When you’re telling a story, but no one else is listening
And you just fade away, getting quieter and quieter and quieter.
It’s possible that the one person who notices this happening gets more embarrassed than than you.
2. Realising halfway through a story that you have no point/punchline
At this moment your brain goes into overdrive thinking up ways to save yourself. Admit you forgot your point, or make one up? Extremely risky territory.
3. When the ‘hilarious’ video you show everyone is met with dead silence
“I swear it’s funny…wait until you see this bit! Gas…”
4. When someone overshares with you out of the blue
Sometimes #realtalk is just not appropriate.
How are we supposed to move on from this? What are we supposed to say? Please don’t do this to us.
5. Any situation in which you have to say “I guess you had to be there”
There are legions of other phrases that can send a conversation to its deathbed, of course. This one is just particularly bad.
6. When someone tells you that you’re blushing
Yeah I noticed. Thanks a whole bleeding bunch.
7. When you have to ask someone to repeat themselves more than once
Eventually you might just give up and nod, shake your head or chuckle, in the hopes that one of these is the right response.
Getting rumbled in this type of situation is excruciating.
8. “Hi, how are you?” “Fine, how are you?” “Grand, how are you…”
If someone could just come up and slam our mouths shut whenever it looks like we’re going to do this, that’d be handy.
9. When you’re the only one who thinks your story/joke is funny
You’re cracking up. Everyone else is gazing at you with sorrow in their eyes. You know you need to stop, but god it’s just. So. Funny.
10. Asking who/what people are talking about
You missed the first part of the conversation and you’re not quite sure what’s going on. So now you’re just going to bleat “Who is this?” “What’s going on?” until someone takes pity on you.
