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Dublin: 13 °C Tuesday 22 May, 2018

5 ads we want Nike to make with Rory McIlroy, now they've signed him up

Make it black and white, put a Daft Punk soundtrack on it and let’s sell some sneakers.

Rory McIlroy in a Swoosh-emblazoned jersey with girlfriend, Caroline Wozniacki.
Rory McIlroy in a Swoosh-emblazoned jersey with girlfriend, Caroline Wozniacki.
Image: Fred Beckham/AP/Press Association Images

OKAY, IT’S A done deal it seems.

For weeks now the sports world has known that the hottest young talent in golf is on his way to Niketown from the slightly less glamourous Jumeirah.

In a statement yesterday, the luxury hotel company confirmed that they have “jointly agreed” to end the sponsorship partnership with Rory McIlroy which dates back to 2007 when he first turned professional. The Holywood native is now on the brink of signing a multi-million dollar deal to become the new face of Nike.

So what will the ad execs in Oregon do with the Irish golfer? Here’s half a dozen suggestions. You’re welcome, Nike.*

1. Rory in an airport

The Pitch: McIlroy’s flight is delayed and his club bag has been lost in transit. He looks glum. Just then however, the GAA All Stars — led by Cyril the Sombrero — walk through the arrivals gate. McIlroy borrows a hurley from Henry Shefflin and gives it a go in the busy terminal. With hilarious consequences.

Soundtrack: Shipping Up to Boston.

Other ad we’ve ripped off:

YouTube: CulturePub

2. Rory trick-shots

The Pitch: This is the Blair Witch Project of sports marketing. Pretend you have ‘found footage’ of Wee Mac practicing his chipping, oblivious to the Nike cameras. Release it and let it go viral.

The soundtrack: None, it’s cinema verité, stupid!

Other ad we’ve ripped off: Ronaldinho hopping the ball off the bar for fun. Totally fake.

YouTube: TeamMac05

3. Rory and his dad Gerry

The Pitch: Not sure. Something about Rory and his dad. And it should be in black and white. Yeah… black and white. Think Barney’s entry to the Springfield Fim Festival.

Soundtrack: Maybe some Sigor Ros or the outro from Cheers

Other ad we’ve ripped off: Tiger and Earl

YouTube: NikeGolf

4. ‘What if my name wasn’t Rory?’

The pitch:Hollywood execs spend their time these days, lazily remaking classic movies, frame for frame. Well who are we to argue? Let’s have Rory recast in this MJ commercial for the ages.

Soundtrack: Whatever this is…

YouTube: Shatoosh

5. McIlroy as an Ulster Rugby player

The pitch: Shall we mention Lance? Let’s mention Lance. The shamed, former Tour de France star features in this ensemble piece as a boxer. Andre Agassi’s a Red Sox hitter. Serena plays volleyball. You get the picture. So… let’s have McIlroy scrumming down with Rory Best at Ravenhill, girlfriend Caroline Wozniacki teeing off at Augusta maybe and good friend G-Mac getting shouted at by Jim McGuinness for letting his Blackberry beep during a Donegal team meeting.

Soundtrack: We Are Young – FUN

Other ad we’ve ripped off:

*Please send a new pair of Tiempos and a nice hoodie for leisure wear at you earliest convenience.

‘Nobody at 23 should be asked to make that decision’ — Harrington’s sympathy for McIlroy’s Olympic choice

McIlroy says goodbye to Jumeirah ahead of Nike switch

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