IF YOU’VE BEEN following this year’s British and Irish Lions tour of New Zealand, chances are you spit your Rice Krispies all over the TV when Sky Sports co-commentator Stuart Barnes talked about Maro Itoje’s ‘trademark hand-clap.’
In Barnes’s mind, it was as if the Saracens flanker was the first person in the world to decide to put both his hands together.
Barnes, of course, is the co-commentator we love to hate, the rugby equivalent of Mark Lawrenson or Michael Owen.
But what other gems can we expect from Barnes during the first Test?
Here are five – and for each we’ve also tipped a bet so you can make Stuart’s words come true.
1. “Just because he does idiotic things, doesn’t make him an idiot.”
Stuart ‘The Bath Barrel’ Barnes — that’s his actual nickname, not a new sweet in a tin of Roses — is nothing if not a cheerleader for the Lions and he’ll wear his support on his sleeve in the first Test.
This means he’ll forgive pretty much anything that goes on during the game, be it a high-tackle or Alun Wyn Jones slagging someone’s mam.
That said, the Lions have been very disciplined so far, picking up just two yellow cards in their six games so maybe Barnes is right to defend their discipline.
- There will be no yellow card in the first Test – 6/5
2. “He’s little more than a statistics carrier.”
Lies, Messi’s tax returns and statistics. Barnes has proven time and again that he’s not a fan of the modern obsession with stats, especially when it comes to forwards.
For example, ahead of the tour, he said of CJ Stander:
“He’s made 28 carries and it’s, ‘Wow, let’s make him Man of the Match.’ Then you realise he’s gone minus two metres.”
For the Lions, the forwards have only managed three tries to the backs’ six so far (with two scores coming from penalty tries), while the All Blacks’ pack mustered five of their 12.
However, all it takes is one close lineout or five-metre scrum for them to gain the yardage they need for Saturday’s first score.
- Any forward to score the first try – 2/1
3. “Ben Te’o is a Warrior by name and a warrior by nature.”
Barnsey loves the Worcester Warriors’ Ben Te’o. Just a few days ago he wrote how the “unlikely Lion” was now “crucial to Warren Gatland’s team.”
He’s right, of course, Te’o is an unlikely Lion, not just because he was born in New Zealand but also for the fact he only took up rugby union three years ago.
The 27-year old is yet to cross the whitewash on this tour but that won’t stop Barnes from singing his praises in the Test matches.
- Ben Te’o to be the top Lions try-scorer in the series – 8/1
4. “The Lions may be losing but [INSERT ANY ENGLISH PLAYER] has certainly put in a shift today.”
Find someone who looks at you the way Barnes looks at a player who wears the red rose of England and you’ve found your life partner.
Still, given that they make up the bulk of the squad, that should come as little surprise on this particular tour.
Despite four of Eddie Jones’s men already scoring a try, you’d have to have the White Cliffs of Dover tattooed on your chest to think they’ll all score.
- Every English player who started the tour to score a try during the tour - 275/1
5. “This series is not over yet, the Lions can really make a statement in the next two Tests.”
Whether it’s a three-point nail-biter or a 20-point walloping, Barnes is going to find a way to convince people to tune in to the rest of the tour.
Of course, that’s part of his job even when all the evidence points to a 3-0 series win for the hosts.
But who do you trust? A side that ran in 12 tries in one game, or a side that has managed just nine in six games?
- All Blacks to win the Test series 3-0 – 8/13
Fancy a punt on the Lions tour? Ireland’s biggest bookmaker Paddy Power have the odds on every market. Check out our Lions odds here, or simply download the Paddy Power app for iOS or Android.
For more tips, insight and the odd star columnist, head over to the Paddy Power blog.
