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Dublin: 11°C Monday 19 April 2021

Diary of a Fantasy Gaffer: Sorry Suarez, you're losing the captaincy

One goal in eight games just doesn’t cut it in the harsh world of Fantasy Football.

Suarez has scored four goals in his last 12 games.
Suarez has scored four goals in his last 12 games.

LUIS, IT’S NOT you, it’s me… Well, actually it is you. What the hell happened?

Yes, you may have been pushed slightly out wide to accommodate the return of Daniel Sturridge to the first team, but that’s no excuse really.

Between 25 September and 26 December you scored 19 goals in 13 games. Since then, you’ve got just four goals in 12 games and one in the last eight. That’s a 77% drop in your scoring ratio, and my continual hope that this is just a temporary glitch is costing TheScore Machine dearly (stats via Liverpool Kop).

Well I’m sorry, but this inefficiency in front of goal has gone on for too long. You’re losing the captaincy, and if you don’t score this week, you’re probably off the team as well.

You may still be playing well and contributing to the overall good health of the team, but playing well and contributing to the overall good health of the team does not earn you fantasy points.

The temptation to drop Suarez totally and bring in Sturridge is considerable, but plenty have doubted the Uruguayan before and ended up looking silly, so I’ll postpone that decision for now. But fail to score this week and I may have to strongly consider the unthinkable — discarding the Liverpool striker altogether.

Thankfully, there is an ostensibly reliable replacement as captain. Emmanuel Adebayor now has 11 goals in 15 games, and may well score this weekend.

Tottenham might have slipped up against Norwich, but they should win at home against Cardiff, and I expect the Togo-born striker to be among the scorers. If I’m wrong, I owe you all a Coke.*

Elsewhere, on Oscars weekend, I’m dropping Oscar from the team — not to be clever or anything, purely because, unlike his acclaimed thespian counterparts, the Brazilian’s performances have been pretty unremarkable lately.

Consequently, everyone’s favourite nondescript French defender, Mathieu Debuchy, who’s been picking up points like a madman lately, comes into the team instead.

*Had my paws crossed while typing that.


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About the author:

Godfrey the Gaffer

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