BONSOIR, GUTEN ABEND, good evening Europe!
Here are tonight’s contestants…
Russia – Andrei Arshavin (skip to 0:57)
YouTube credit: euro2008glory
Our verdict: A god awful effort from the Arsenal outcast… although the crowd seemed to like it – Nul points
Ireland – Tommy Bowe
YouTube credit: inikkie17
Our verdict: Struggling with the words, the Ireland winger literally shouts out the chorus. Poor effort from the Ulster man - Un point
Spain – Pau Gasol
YouTube credit: Parpar2j
Our verdict: La Lakers forward has clearly practiced long and hard, but his rendition of The Fray’s ‘How To Save A Life’ leaves a lot to be desired - Deux points
Germany – Franz Beckenbauer
YouTube credit: zeffthebest
Our verdict: A solid team effort from Der Kaiser and the boys. A little old-fashioned for the judges’ liking though - Quatre points
France – Jo-Wilfried Tsonga
YouTube credit: borja1993urdaneta
Our verdict: A karaoke-esque performance of an overplayed song. Will no doubt be a hit with some viewers, however – Cinq points
Italy – National football team
YouTube credit: ramoskiki
Our verdict: The Azzurri hit all the right notes with Gennaro Gattuso excelling during his solo effort – Six points
Norway – John Arne Riise and Morten Gamst Pedersen
YouTube credit: BAMABENDIT
Our verdict: There’s a lot to be said about the additional autotune to hide the duet’s poor vocals. Bonus point for singing about healthy eating - Sept points
Great Britain – Bradley Wiggins featuring Paul Weller
YouTube credit: Chloe Brewer
Our verdict: Wiggo would struggle on his own but bringing in The Modfather was a masterstroke - Huit points
Holland – Ruud Gullit
YouTube credit: Royaltush
Our verdict: Backed up by Dutch reggae band Revelation Time, Ruud nails it - Dix points
Ukraine – Natalie Klitschko
YouTube credit: Eljaxxxx
Our verdict: Mrs Vitali Klitscko has undoubtedly stolen the night with her performance of the Jennifer Rush 80s classic. Could well become a Eurovision classic, you know - Douze points (and winner of TheScore.ie’s Eurosong 2013)