Dublin: 12°C Tuesday 28 September 2021

10 ways Ireland must try to stop Zlatan Ibrahimovic

If we are to have any hope of beating Sweden we suggest you follow these guidelines, Trap.

1. Get Ciaran Clark and Paul Green to team up and do a number on him

The pair just need to follow Carlos Marchena and Marcos Senna’s example.

Credit: Martin Meissner/AP/Press Association Images

2. You could put Gerard Pique sitting in the front row of the Friends Arena. That would almost certainly distract him…

They were close friends at Barca.

Credit: Flickr

3. Childish insults about the size of his nose could work

Although it will probably make him want to score even more.

Credit: Tumblr

4. Cut off his long beautiful locks

Maybe, much like Samson, that’s where his power lies.

Credit: Darko Bandic/AP/Press Association Images

The season he decided to shave it off (2005-06), he managed just seven Serie A goals for Juve so there’s something in it.

Credit: ADRIANA SAPONE/AP/Press Association Image

5. When the ball’s out of play, whisper in his ear that he never fit in at Barcelona

He may pretend it didn’t bother him, but we know he’s still hurting.

Credit: Bernat Armangue/AP/Press Association Images

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6. Use “baseball bats and dogs”

Former PSG and Bolton Wanderers defender Bernard Mendy had that advice before a Ligue 1 game back in December. Unfortunately, he decided against brute force and his side Brest were beaten 3-0.

To add insult to injury, Mendy scored an own goal against his former club.

7. Allegedly, if you played this song to Zlatan, he would spontaneously combust

Think of it as his Kryptonite.

YouTube credit: hebenmusic

8. Make a fool out of him

He won’t like that one bit. We’re thinking James McClean might have it in his locker.

Credit: Tumblr

9. Have Mark Kennedy and Phil Babb hop all over his outrageously pink Lamborghini, which he got custom-made to match his boots

It's his pride and joy.

Credit: topdrawersoccer.com

We're picturing something like this:

Credit: Gifsoup

10. If all else fails, there's always voodoo...

Credit: Antonio Calanni/AP/Press Association Images and Steve O’Rourke

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About the author:

Ben Blake

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