After Morrissey met Robbie, we pick our best football-themed* Smiths songs

*Songs may not have been written with the beautiful game in mind.

CHECK OUT THESE words from Morrissey for his father’s cousin’s grandson…

“It was a joyous head-storm to attend LA Galaxy -v- Club Tijuana last night and to see captain Robbie Keane score in the fourth minute. Why, exactly?

“Well, family tree aficionados will be aware that Robbie and I share the same Irish blood; his late grandfather (Thomas Nolan) being my own father’s cousin.

“In filial terms the Irish blood, English heart genetic between Robbie and I is evident – his chin is my chin, my chin is his. Robbie was raised on Captains Road (as was my mother) in Crumlin (Dublin), before he was shipped out to Tallaght. He is a gentleman of the highest caliber (or, if you must, calibre), and to watch him on the pitch – pacing like a lion, as weightless as an astronaut, is pure therapy. Robbie, the pleasure, the privilege is mine.”

Apropos of very little to do with this at all, we matched the Smiths song titles (and, in a couple of cases, lyrics) with its familial equivalent from the world of Association Football…

Big Mouth Strikes Again

Perfect for: Brian Clough

(Credit: Deffx40)


How Soon Is Now

Perfect for: Joey Barton, who is clearly the son, and the heir, of a shyness that is criminally vulgar.

(Credit: prvarit)


This Charming Man

Perfect for: El Hadji Diouf

(Credit: KaeruSensei)


There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

Perfect for: Paul Gascoigne

(Credit: hackum1)



Perfect for: Steven Gerrard (doesn’t like DJs)

(Credit: Hackum1)


Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before

Perfect for: Harry ‘He’s a triffic player, a triffic lad!’ Redknapp’


Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me

Perfect for: John Terry

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(Credit: Michael Bn)


I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish

Perfect for: Michael Owen

(Credit: AntjaDec)


Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

Perfect for: Wesley Sneijder

(Credit: NaturalBornHedonist)


That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore

Perfect for: Arsene Wenger

(Credit: Sobchak215)

Ferris set to be out for remainder of the season – reports >

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