1) Down with this sort of thing

IS THERE ANYTHING more tiresome than ITV’s coverage of live football? Some people might find the Adrian and Roy show to be compelling viewing, but not this writer. Not for me the frisson of asexual menace that exists between Mayfield’s most famous son and the world’s least likable Brummie.

The former Manchester United captain looked perfectly bored this afternoon (who could blame him?), with Chiles trying his best, and failing, to wake the beast within.

Worse again was Clive Tyldesley’s contention that Rio Ferdinand was only being booed by Chelsea fans for ‘footballing reasons.’

If the racial abuse of a professional footballer’s brother by another player comes under the umbrella of ‘footballing reasons,’ then let me stand corrected.

One last word – it is possible to mention Paris Saint Germain without any reference to Himself? Is it?

2) To the football

Could the first 45 minutes have contained the worst half of football seen since the start of the season? True, the FA had their hands tied with the scheduling, but surely it would have been common sense to move both sides’ Premier League forward 24 hours to last Friday evening?

That would have made it three days since the internationals, and then another three to today’s match. Furthermore, why not a 3pm kick-off?

Both sides looked jaded from the start of the game, with the exceptions of Eden Hazard and Danny Welbeck, neither of whom started on Saturday.

Balls were given away cheaply, most of the play took place in the middle third of the pitch and the only shot of note was a fairly tame effort from Ba and a Javier Hernandez shot that Petr Cech made a meal of.

3) A qualified improvement

The second half, while equally low on finesse, at least brought a touch of excitement. Ba and Cech took care of the highlights reel, while Juan Mata and Hazard produced some moments of genuine class against a United side that could never quite cohere.

The bespoke Welbeck aside, United just looked disinterested. Michael Carrick has had his best season in football but his sloppy backwards pass was almost punished by Hazard, while Nani and Antonio Valencia did nothing to suggest they won’t be moved on in the summer.

Fine performers in spells in the past, they’ve come to look clumsy and, in Nani’s case, even overweight as Wilfried Zaha prepares to come in and challenge.

Better came from Ashley Young when he was introduced, with one cross landing perfectly on the downcast head of van Persie, but the former Aston Villa man has never reached the heights of his first three months in a United shirt.

4) Nothing to see here

It’s now 558 minutes since van Persie last scored for United, or nine games, or his worst ever run of form in English football, or or or…

Look, it happens. It happens to one and all strikers, excusing Lionel Messi, so cool your boots and have a nice relax for yourselves.

Van Persie remains the most clinical goalscorer in the Premier League and, although he should have done much better with a couple of opportunities late in the game, he just needs one to go in off his arse and he’ll be flying again.

Never heard that one before, have you?

5) Fergie shrugs it off

The fact that we didn’t see Mike Phelan at the end of the game shows us where this one was on Fergie’s list of priorities.

Even with a 15-point gap to City, expect no let-up in the pursuit of a 13th Premier League title, the disappointment of losing to Chelsea quickly giving way to the anticipation of next weekend’s derby.

The United boss seemed, if anything, nonchalant in his post-match interview. Odd, given that the chance of a first FA Cup win since Keane lifted the trophy in 2004 had just evaporated.

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