WHEN BRITTANY HOGAN thinks of rugby, she thinks of family, whether that be those closest to her back home, or the Ireland teammates she trains with full-time out in Abbotstown.
The 24-year-old lights up when talking about her love of a sport that first entered her life when she was 15, and those who have been there to share the journey.
“My granda is a massive rugby fan, he’s played it all his life,” Hogan explains.
“He messages me all the time about rugby. He watches all my games. And my mum as well, whenever I was playing in the AIL, I played with Cooke and she travelled to every single game, home or away; it was her weekend. It was fab, and a great family experience. But my granda is my harshest critic. He texts me after games, ‘That was good, that was not so good.’”
Hogan’s route to international rugby was not dissimilar to many of her teammates. After first picking up a ball in Ballynahinch, she was soon talent identified by the Ulster branch and fast-tracked up the ladder. Before she knew it, Hogan was packing her bags and heading off with the Ireland Sevens squad and Ireland U18s.
“I didn’t even think it was a possible thing for me to wear the green jersey,” she smiles, “but you’d be watching other people do it in other sports, other countries, but then when it does happen, it’s a dream come true.”
To excel at your passion is certainly the stuff of dreams. For it to save your life is a very different conversation.
Hogan feels now is the right time to publicly talk about a traumatic experience from her childhood, and how it has shaped the person she is today.
“When I was young, a child under 10, I was sexually abused by someone I trusted, someone that I put a lot of faith in, and I didn’t understand what it was, I had no idea what happened. You know whenever you are talking to someone you trust, you don’t think that they would actually hurt you.
“So I suppose I never really thought that that was hurt until a few years later when the survival instincts and the behaviours that I learned didn’t really help me in my teen years. I struggled a lot with not sticking up for myself in situations and sport is actually the only thing that kept me on the right path to be honest. Actually having a schedule and being kicked out of the house to go training was a lifesaver for me.”
This is why Hogan, who can now talk about that trauma with remarkable clarity and honesty, is putting her face to Childline’s latest fundraising initiative.
“I was so young that I didn’t even know talking was a thing, I didn’t know that feelings were a thing, I didn’t know that emotions were things; I just felt them and I didn’t really understand what was going on.
“It wasn’t until I was older that my survival instincts and the behaviours I learned, not bit me on the backside, but it was only then that I realised, ‘That’s not right, I’m not reacting to this scenario in the way that’s best for me.’
“I was doing things for other people and got into another couple of situations that I didn’t want to be in and it wasn’t until I was about 20… it wasn’t until I went to Laragh [Counselling Service] in Dublin a couple of years ago that I re-taught myself the behaviours and understood everything that was going on.”
During the dark days, sport offered an escape. Sport offered hope.
I could have went the complete opposite direction, I could have gone on a downward spiral and I mightn’t even be sitting beside you right now. Sport really changed my life and saved my life.”
It was five years before she felt able to speak about the abuse. The authorities were informed and at the age of just 13, Hogan found herself attending counselling sessions and speaking to a therapist.
“I know a lot of people wouldn’t be too open to talk about their feelings but I think that’s just something we find a little bit of shame in, actually opening up,” she continues.
“I can completely understand and it is personal preference, but it’s just so important that people have to understand that talking about their emotions, no matter how big or small, it helps everything. A problem shared is a problem halved.”
Luckily the Down native is surrounded by good people. She thinks about her Ireland teammates, past and present, and how open and welcoming that dressing room has been.
“I was in training with Lou Galvin, Hannah Tyrrell, Lucy Mulhall is great at it (talking), and in the 15s Lauren Delany is fantastic at speaking, Claire Keohane, Lindsay Peat; there’s loads of examples of people who have gone through things that are really open and so approachable. It makes it such a comfortable environment.
“We pride ourselves on trying to be the person before the player, and my first protocol whenever I go into training is to say, ‘Hello, how are you?’
“I’m pretty good at picking up cues if someone isn’t great or is a bit sheepish or just acting out of the normal, I’ll make sure I go and speak to them, and I’ve learned that from the players before me who have set great examples.”
Now on a dual-contract with the IRFU, Hogan – who can play in the back row or second row – splits her time between Sevens and 15s.
Our conversation is taking place on a bench in Dublin’s Herbert Park on the sunniest day of the year so far. There’s plenty for Hogan to look forward to in the months ahead. Spring is creeping in, and there’s a Women’s Six Nations on the horizon.
She featured three times during last year’s tournament – bringing her up to 10 caps at 15s – before Sevens demands saw her whisked off to Canada and France.
Those watching on could have had no idea of the battles she was confronting behind the scenes, as Hogan came to the final stages of two years of therapy with Laragh Counselling Service on Dublin’s northside.
It was the hardest two years of my life. I know I’d been through the services before but that was just me talking… Now it was me relearning and changing my behaviours, and it was horrific. It was very hard.
“When I finished up with them about four or five months ago, I felt great pride.
“It kind of took me a while to realise, it’s not really until I talk to other people, and they’re like ‘Oh yeah, you’ve gone through a lot and what you’ve achieved now says a lot about your character.’
“I’d much prefer people to know me as a good person and a kind-hearted and compassionate person rather than the player I am. But it just so happens I love rugby, so I put a lot of dedication and hard work into it. At the moment, both of them feel very satisfying.”
Hogan’s preparation for the Six Nations has been far from ideal, suffering a broken arm on interpro duty with Ulster in January. Today is a big step in her recovery as she starts for the Combined Provinces against a WRU development side in Belfast. The next objective is to push for a starting spot in Greg McWilliams’ Ireland team.
A tough ask given her lack of minutes, but one she’ll relish.
“I kind of live my life where if I’m not happy, it’s not really worth doing what I’m doing,” Hogan explains.
“With rugby, we all talk about our ‘whys’ and what brings you to training, what pushes you through a hard conditioning session or in the 78th minute when you’re on the tryline.
“My ‘why’ goes two ways; I built such a resilience when I was going through a lot of trauma, but I also just love the game. The game makes me so happy. It’s great fun and I love the girls, I love the thrill of it and it’s really easy for me to turn up to training. I don’t really need a ‘why’ — it’s just my favourite job in the world.
“I’m a very passionate person and if something doesn’t make me happy I’ll change it, but at the moment, rugby is my ‘why.’”
Childline ambassador Brittany Hogan was speaking at the launch of the ISPCC’s latest fundraising campaign, Let’s Sweat it Together, which takes place nationwide from 27 March to 2 April. To donate or find out more information on how to sign your school or business up, visit: https://ispcc.enthuse.
___________________
If you need to talk, contact:
- Childline 1800 66 66 66 (for under 18s)
- Pieta House 1800 247 247 (suicide, self-harm; 24/7 support)
- Samaritans 116 123
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
