STEPHEN KENNY OUT. Inevitable. Confirmation a day or two earlier than expected. FAI say search process for the next manager is underway.
Country: loves a managerial search. Chance to dream big. Stan, Trap, MONKEANO. Dream tickets. A world-class management team. Put money on Troussier. Terry Venables off doing a gig for the BBC holiday programme. This is what the country really gets off on. What political corrs wrongly think a general election does for us.
I am a football journalist so I have to break it. Yes the news will be announced in a press release at some point anyway. Yes an online exclusive has a life expectancy of about 10 minutes. But think of the ego boost!
It’s got to be Carsley. I’ve got to find a number for Carsley.
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FAI: love a robust search process. They’ll run it and flower it in empty corporate speak and end up with Carsley. Fine. No harm in due process. This is what grown-up organisations do.
Neil Lennon tells Eoin McDevitt he wants the job. Sam Allardyce tells Eoin McDevitt he wants the job. Various safe pairs of hands are presumably dropping their CVs through Eoin McDevitt’s front door.
The FAI have got this. Mark with a C Canham has got this. Look at how calm and confident this guy is. He has a job spec and he will stick to it. We used to have jocular men with the stammering unction of a Fianna Fáil TD running these things. Now the detatched and dull competence of the civil service.
A modern and hands-on coach. They’ll align all of our underage teams in the progressive style of the nations of the Earth. Sorry to Neil Lennon and to anyone whose first name is prefixed with a ‘Big.’ They want a Carsley-type. Carsley.
Jonathan Hill says they have spoken to everyone on their initial shortlist. Now phase two. Just look at the extent to which they have got this. They want someone in place for the Nations League draw on 6 February.
Struck by the universal reverence for this search. Everything tight. A new FAI. No leaks. Out of respect for the candidates but above all the process. We all need something to believe in. The FAI believe in the professionalism of their quiet search process like it is God himself. No arguments here.
Found a number for Carsley. No answer. No problem. Remember the process. He is only being respectful.
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Oh the UK Daily Mail what the fuck! It’s not Carsley. They say he has turned the FAI down. Panic. Ring Carsley. No answer. Beginning to resent all the respect going on here.
Stage a small wake for my thousands-word long profile of Carsley. Regret the time wasted finding a number for the school PE department whose bus he used to drive when he started out coaching. Keep it in drafts just in case. We all need something to believe in.
Now who? Roy. Box office but risky. Expensive. Doesn’t meet the job spec. Is it selfish if I want it to be him? Abbotstown pressers would be a lot less dull. Thrillingly scary to know he might rip my soul from my body at any moment. Reminded of his recent quote that he sees some journalists wearing the same shoes he saw them wearing 20 years earlier. Best buy some new shoes.
Lennon tells Premier Sports he is still interested. He compliments the search process. Can imagine this making a future Bryan’s Gunn compilation. And what a search process that was bytheway.
Chris Coleman. They’ve spoken with Chris Coleman. I go on radio at 7.30pm with a BBC Wales journalist to talk about Coleman being in contention. Come off air at 8pm. Read the same BBC Wales journalist ruling Coleman out of contention at 8.15pm. See my career flash before my eyes.
Neil Lennon is told he’s out of contention and says so on Premier Sports. The subscription-based fount of all clarity.
Maybe it’s Carsley.
Anthony Hudson. They’ve spoken with Anthony Hudson and told Anthony Hudson he is out of contention. Who is Anthony Hudson? They are talking to people we’ve never heard of. What a search process this is bytheway.
Mark with a C Canham launches his player pathways plan. The most important piece of work in the FAI’s recent history but come on there’s a managerial search to talk about instead. Shay Given and Brian Kerr say it won’t be Carsley.
Marc with a C Canham tells us soothingly that the search is entering its final stages. But he can’t guarantee they will have someone in charge for the March games. Have they got this?
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They’ve got this. John O’Shea is interim and interim only. Because the FAI have their man. Won’t be announced until early April. Hmm Mark with a C Canham says early April but the press release says April. Anyway. They can’t announce until early April because of Existing Contractual Obligations. Kept under wraps because they have to respect the process.
It’s Carsley. England U21s qualifiers have qualifiers over by April. See. They have had this and they have their man.
Carsley tells the UK Daily Mail it’s not Carsley.
I’m in a national game of Cluedo. Candidate is in a job until early April but will be able to take the job then and won’t be double jobbing. It can’t be Chris Hughton or Chris Coleman or Anthony Hudson or Paul Clement or Steve Bruce or Neil Lennon or Roy Keane because they don’t have any Existing Contractual Obligations. It can’t be Anthony Barry or Robbie Keane as they have the wrong kind of Existing Contractual Obligations. It can’t be Damien Duff because have you heard how he talks about the FAI?
Gus Poyet? But how could he have agreed to be out of contract in April given he might qualify for the Euros?
Willy Sagnol? But how could he have agreed to be out of contract in April given he might qualify for the Euros?
No. Stop. I can figure this out. It’s someone in a job but leaving it soon. Check the league season calendars for any finishing in April. Existing Contractual Obligations. Wow Israel and Belgium end then! Wait the regular season ends then and then their play-offs begin and run to May. It’s not Robbie and it’s not whoever is in charge of Charleroi.
Back to the drawing board. Look for any manager who has Existing Contractual Obligations until the end of March. Such a weird timeline can’t be difficult to whittle the possibilities down although it is making less and less sense as we go along
No. Stop. I can figure this out. It can be sussed because of the Existing Contractual Obligations.
Slaven Bilic? No. It’s not Slaven Bilic but apparently the old Sweden boss Jane with two ns Andersson says he is taking a job in April but no it’s not Jane with two ns Andersson he seems to be going to Tunisia where he will have new Existing Contractual Obligations
I need existing Existing Contractual Obligations
but what are they and who is it
because if it isn’t Carsley or Lennon or Coleman or Barry or Robbie or Roy or Bilic or Andersson or Hudson or Poyet or Sagnol then who else is soon out of their Existing Contractual Obligations oh hang on a minute I hear the manager of Bodo Glimt is quitting soon and yes! nobody else has heard this so bloody hell maybe it’s the manager of Bodo Glimt and I just cracked the code I am a genius let’s check that out and what is his name yes it’s Kjetil Knutsen ‘kinell how do I pronounce his name? safer to send his agent a text or an email rather than risk the pronunciation in a call so I ask if him if Kjetil Knutsen is going to be the next Irish manager at the end of his Existing Contractual Obligations because the FAI definitely have their guy right? it’s just that John O’Shea has built a huge backroom staff and he is talking like a guy who isn’t convinced he is temporary and the players seem very eager for him to stay but check in with the FAI just in case and yes it remains the case that John is an interim and they have someone so I just need to trust the FAI because they so totally have this but this is dragging on now and the Masters is on soon so we are almost past the endpoint of early April and hang on why are they having discussions with Gus Poyet if they already had their man and why are there links with Willy Sagnol? and why have they approached Anthony Barry and wait is that Roberto di Matteo and why on earth is Ole Gunnar Solskjaer suddenly the favourite and hang on he has been ruled out now but the FAI are saying it will be announced next week and what on earth the CEO has just resigned so how do you appoint a manager who was hired by a CEO who has left before the unveiling and is Chris Hughton now back in the mix so now I am beginning to think that the silence of the process was masking what was just an elaborate process of silence and I ask myself if I will be more sceptical the next time the FAI say to trust them because they’ve got this and yes I said yes I will Yes.
