I STAND OUTSIDE this woman’s work, this woman’s world. Oh it’s hard on the man, now his part is over. Now starts the craft of the father — ‘This Woman’s Work,’ Kate Bush.
A man and and a woman sit in their car outside The Coombe Hospital in Dublin. It’s roughly 9.30am on the morning of 8 April 2020 and they’re patiently waiting on a call to go back in.
Their room is being prepared for what they understand is going to be quite a long stay. At least that’s what the scans suggest based on the measurements and the fact that this woman is a small lady. They’ve packed a bag to last them a few days, and have filled it with books and food.
There was some doubt over whether he could be with her throughout the whole procedure. But now it looks like he has permission to be there all the way to the end. They initially went into the hospital together but only one of them could stay to sign in.
He went back out to the car to wait for her. Now they have to wait for the call, but they’ll be going back in separately again. 10 minutes apart to be precise.
Katie didn’t make the shortlist of names that were picked ahead of the birth, but it was the one that had the smoothest fit.
And so at 7.30pm that evening, Katie Ella McGrath arrived to the proud parents of Carol, and former Wicklow footballer, John.
“I don’t think I can put it into words,” John tells The42, describing the moment he held their first baby.
It was as if everything that can happen and has happened in your life is just done. Any worry you think you’ll ever have is gone. All that matters is a baby is breathing in front of you.
“I think it’s the most relaxed I’ve ever been in my life. Maybe the relief and euphoria of having a new baby. The long road to getting there, and also knowing Carol was healthy and happy in bed beside me, it’s definitely the most I’ve ever felt.”
McGrath could only stay with his wife and their newborn child for two-and-a-half hours before he had to leave. This is how a global pandemic can interfere with what can, and often is, already a tricky procedure.
Fortunately, the McGraths came through it all without any complications. They self-isolated shortly before the birth, leaving only for a daily stroll and necessary shopping trips. No precaution was overlooked.
But those precautions got a bit tighter towards the end. John was at every appointment from the beginning of the pregnancy. Only Carol could attend the last few.
“As it got closer,” John continues, “we maybe had a little bit of worry that the father wasn’t allowed in for labour.
“So that was a little bit of a worry in the last few days.
Thankfully that wasn’t the case, I was allowed be with Carol from the time she was induced in hospital right the way through. As much as we respect everything in the world, and we’re doing everything for Carol, that would have broken my heart not to be by her side going through that. I was delighted to be there for the labour and the birth.
“She’s a calm, cool collected kind of person. She’s in a high role job in her company so she’s very relaxed and cool. During the day, it was like it all came naturally to her.
“It was really important to us and [we're] over the moon with that.”
Nobody from either side of the McGrath family has held Katie yet, or even seen her in person. Their neighbours are the closest to get a glance. Pictures on WhatsApp groups and Facetime connections will have to do for now.
The Baltinglass forward even shared some of the snaps on his Twitter page, his wife showing no signs of fatigue hours after giving birth.
“She’s gorgeous,” he says proudly.
“I think one of the pictures was from the day of the birth and that was the one I sent to both family members. It was really weird because I was looking at it the morning after when I was home by myself.
I was thinking people are going to think it’s filtered because Carol looks so clean and doesn’t look like she has a bead of sweat on her.
”She just looks fantastic.”
While waiting for fatherhood to arrive, McGrath was told by someone that paternity leave would consist of making cups of tea for loved ones coming around to dote on the mother and newborn baby.
That wasn’t how fate would have it for the McGraths. They were isolating when it was just two in the family and that remains the case now that Katie is here.
They can’t wait to introduce their little girl fully to the world when it’s safe to do so, but McGrath has enjoyed spending all this time at home. There is a restlessness among the public to all this self-isolation, but McGrath is familiar with the need to go into quarantine.
After being diagnosed with leukemia in 2011, he spent three months in isolation. So the general mood of frustration towards the lockdown measures doesn’t sit well with him.
“The only way I can possibly look at it [is] we’re told to isolate for a reason,” he explains.
“That reason is to erase a problem we’re facing in life. If staying at home gives you and your family a better chance of surviving, I don’t understand why anyone would be moaning and complaining about it.
“I see that time in isolation was for a reason, that I didn’t pick up any infections. My immune system was as strong as it could be when I was going through my treatment with chemotherapy. If I wasn’t in isolation, I would have been a high risk of catching infection which means my recovery isn’t as good.”
Say hello the our beautiful baby girl Katie Ella McGrath 🥰 pic.twitter.com/Ns58NtcLW8
— John McGrath (@john_mc_grath) April 11, 2020
There is a reward at the end of the tunnel for everyone if we continue to obey the guidelines. McGrath has no instincts for moaning when he can see that so clearly, and is imploring everyone else to do the same.
He can still remember what it felt like to receive his freedom at the end of his time in isolation, and the physical toll it took on him to get to that point.
“Being able to walk out when I was released from hospital, I just thought there was nothing greater in life when you’re in isolation in one room for my first cycle [which] was 26 days.
“When I left that room for the first time, it was for a walk around the common area in St James’s Hospital and straight away I felt sick and had to rush to one of the public bathrooms to vomit. I wasn’t used to the normal air.”
McGrath is a long time in the all-clear. His cancer was in remission by August of 2011 and he returned to the Wicklow panel later that year. The relieving news of getting the all-clear followed in 2016. He hasn’t looked back since.
The elderly, and people with underlying conditions, are considered to be the most vulnerable to contracting the coronavirus. That aspect of the epidemic has been mentioned at home, but McGrath has no concerns about being at any additional risk to the virus.
His health has never been fuller.
He retired from inter-county football in 2018, and is naturally “missing wearing the Wicklow jersey”. He’s still kicking ball with Baltinglass though, and that’s enough for him.
His only worry for now is protecting the women in his world.
“It’s been a long road to having a baby girl, a taxing couple of years. Having Carol home now, she’s just over the moon. Every day she just loves seeing Katie every time she wakes up and every time she feeds.
“That picture I took of her kind of sums it up, she didn’t feel any stress or pressure. She just did the job that was on hand and like a model coming out of it at the end,” he laughs.
“You hear a lot of men saying that you really respect what they [women] go through during birth and it’s no different here.
“I’m always in awe of Carol.”
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