FIFA 15 CAME out recently to glowing reviews, and at this stage even the most ardent Pro Evolution Soccer fan (of which I am one) has to acknowledge that FIFA is now the dominant brand.
PES is now the Pepsi to FIFA’s Coke.
But for those of us who played PES 1-6, the game will always have a special place in our hearts. Here are ten reasons those games were unreal, and will ALWAYS be superior to FIFA (I can dream, can’t I?).
The Master League
In the Master League you start off with a no-name bunch of rag-tag players (literally – all of the players have made up names) and have to get promoted through a series of equally fictitious leagues until you have a chance at winning a fake Champions League.
We could get hung up on ‘real footballers vs fake footballers’ but players like Castolo and Barota are real to me dammit! Just look at this Louis van Gaal-esque 3-5-2 formation from PES 4.
Doesn’t looking at that team sheet make your younger self shout (in a Mike Bassett voice), ‘Oh for F**KS SAKE Barota!’.
The PES Shop
FACT: FIFA lifted the PES shop straight from the Pro Evo series in the first killer blow for FIFA in the football game wars. The PES shop was a wonderous place where dreams were made. Stadiums, boots, players, teams and unusual and unnecessary special effects were all available – if you had the points to pay for them.
It was a little like Las Vegas and Smyths toy shop rolled into one – you could get ANYTHING for the right price but the sight of all those products caused a giddiness that only a trip to Ireland’s marquee toy shop could match.
The Oranges effect
Okay, so FIFA fans did have a point when they were slagging PES aficionados about the lack of licencing in the game. It was annoying that Oliver Kahn was called Kalm, but not having proper names also threw up some gems from time to time.
Ruud van Nistelrooy was Von Mistelroum (a far catchier moniker) and in Pro Evo 2, all the Dutch players were called Oranges followed by a number. So no, I don’t call the famous Ajax and Barcelona striker Patrick Kluivert, but by the name I was first introduced to him as: Oranges 11.
Classic Players
This was the best thing about the old Pro Evos. The PES shop had at least 100 football legends who were just begging to be slotted into your Master League team at the expense of some fake journeymen like Minanda and Stremer. All you needed to do to play with them was to earn enough points and do some detective work to try to decipher some of their unintelligible names.
Honestly though, how is anyone meant to know who these guys are.
Law Kit – Roy Keane (Iouga’s replacement)
Durlmints – Kenny Daglish (Barota’s replacment)
Rootz Eliquelo – Luis Enrique (Minanda’s replacement)
The going rate for a classic player was 150 PES points and you got 50 PES points per completed game.
*Thinking*
All you need to do is win a World Cup on one star with five minute matches and you will have your dream XI in no time!
The Konami Cup
The Konami Cup had gravitas and a computer game footballer was always judged on how many KCup medals he had on his mantelpiece at the end of his career. The tournament could have anywhere from between 3-32 teams and matches could last for any time between 5-45 minutes.
That sort of unpredictability and inconsistency is what made the Konami Cup the most sought after fictional trophy in world football.
Random Selection
In PES 6 you had the option of selecting up to four teams and choosing a panel of 22 out of it. Now, Real and Barcelona are their own dream teams but back then, Madrid had Julio Baptista and Barcelona had Eidur Gudjohnsen so this sort of gimmick was a real treat.
It was no coincidence that immediately after getting rid of this feature, PES took a nosedive.
Ripping up the form guide
Being allowed to set the players condition/form was great because you could either ensure that your best players would be on top form or you could hit random and pray Messi wouldn’t be getting a downward arrow.
The amount of times I distracted friends before changing the condition of their team is too many to count, but if you say you never did it either, you’re lying.
The Cheat Button
Square on the Playstation and X on the XBOX. Not so much cheating but if you hold it down without the ball your team will swarm the opposition player with the ball like members of Mourinho’s Chelsea.
Most people don’t know such an option exists but before people give out, it is in the manual so there’s no asterisk being placed beside all of my PES results.
Cruyff Turn
When the Cruyff turn was introduced the tutorial looked simple enough: roll your joystick 360 degrees to achieve that silky move.
You wanted it to look like this.
But it always turned out like this.
The Classic Teams
Winning the World Cup with the major nations didn’t just fulfil your sporting destiny, it also unlocked these brilliantly-named classic versions of the premier sides.
- Beloved Brazil
- Eternal England
- Always Argentina
- Forever France
- Genuine Germany
- Immortal Italy
- Heroic Holland
Where was Inspirational Ireland?!?
What is your favourite thing about the Classic Pro Evolution Soccer games?
