Nine of South Park's finest sporting moments

Beware: Offensive material, foul language and possibly even a few spoilers are just one click away.

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BY NOW, YOU may have already sampled some of the new, 17th, season of South Park coming across the Atlantic thanks to Comedy Central.

But if you just can’t get your head around that Game of Thrones backdrop to the season openers, don’t worry, we’re sure there’s plenty more sport-themed episodes coming soon.

Why? Because South Park is the satire that just keeps on giving, keeps on pushing boundaries and making us wonder how they get away it.

Stone and Parker, we salute you and your love of all things sport.

Crack Baby Athletic Association

When Eric Cartman puts his mind to something, he doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants.

So, when he spotted a market niche in which cheap labour (basketball-playing crack-addicted babies) could entertain the public for his benefit, he cashed in.

YouTube credit: MelkayCisneros

Jesus, Lance and charity bracelets

The entire Colorado community is left feeling cheated after an inspirational character (Jesus, not Lance Armstrong) is found to have taken performance enhancing drugs and so one-by-one move to remove the yellow bracelets that showed their support.

All except for one boy, that is. One boy who decides to ‘Stan ground‘ and keep on wearing his yellow bracelet – just because he likes it.

So, so brave.

YouTube credit: MrProTing

Trying to lose at softball

The worst thing about a kid’s South Park summer? Being forced to play the boring-as-hell game of softball, of course.

So, the only sensible option is to really really suck at softball and deliberately throw the game… problem is, every other team had the same idea.


Rowdy Randy fights his way to the top

In one of the great parallel plots, Stan’s father Randy spends the same softball season getting drunk and fighting fathers from opposing teams.

As his son is trying desperately to throw his match, Randy is vowing to dig deep, get even drunker than he thought possible and take down Denver’s ‘BatDad’.

YouTube credit: South Park HD

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Cartman goes to the Special Olympics

Everybody’s favourite evil fat kid pulls out all the stops, pretending to have a learning disability so that he can compete at the Special Olympics. He succeeds, but massively fails when it actually comes to the events.

YouTube credit:  Jordan Hennessy

Instead, Jimmy Valmer dominates the games, fueled by performance enhancing drugs which eventually lead him to a fit of ‘roid rage. Good times.

Stanley’s Cup

We’re basically talking about a Mighty Ducks parody here with Stan and Randy again at the heart of things, but with a realistic ending when Stan’s peewee team take on the Detroit Red Wings.

YouTube credit: Gregory Lachpelle

Screw wrassling, we’re going home

After loving their trip to see John Cena wrestle in the WWE, the boys naturally suit up in the school gym to try it for themselves.

Unfortunately they find their coach’s version of ‘wrassling’ very different – ‘where’s all the cool costumes and jumping off ropes and stuff’ – and so go about setting up their own wrestling association – the WTF.

All of this leads to the coach coming back and trying to destroy their wrestling empire.

All together now: ‘They TOOK his JOB!’

YouTube credit: hetkaashuis

Cartman tries to become a Nascar driver

Sadly for young Eric he reckons he’s not poor or stupid enough to compete in the motor sport, but hangs himself upside down watching Two and a Half Men to help him get where he wants to go.


Stan learns to ski

In ‘Asspen’ Stan encounters a proficient skier, Tad, who accuses him of stealing his girlfriend. There’s only one way to settle the dispute, a race.

So Stan needs a training montage to make him the best, and fast!

YouTube credit: RamJamSing

Which of your favourite South Park sporting episodes have we left out?

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Sean Farrell

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