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Dublin: 16 °C Wednesday 12 August, 2020

The Departures Lounge: your daily lunchtime transfer round-up

Find out why Blackburn won’t be signing anyone anytime soon, what club are offering Peter Crouch a way out of Tottenham and which award Sepp Blatter has just won.

Crouch struggled for form last season.
Crouch struggled for form last season.

ATLETICO MADRID STRIKER Sergio Aguero is the man everyone seems to be talking about today.

As Carlos Tevez looks set to move to Corinthians, Aguero appears to be the classic like-for-like replacement. Let’s just hope someone has told him about the Manchester weather and that the player has a somewhat sunnier disposition than Tevez (see what I did there?).

Amazingly, newspapers still have the willpower to report on Cesc Fabregas even at this stage. For those of you living on Mars for the past year or two, he might be going to Barcelona… still… any day now… oh, just go already!

Elsewhere, is Daniel Sturridge really that good? After a couple of hours spent watching England U-21s flailing helplessly this summer I’m really not convinced, but Alan Pardew thinks he’s alright apparently.

Carlos Cuellar will return to his old haunt (Rangers) after Alex ‘scariest manager in the Premiership’ McLeish gave him one of his legendary stares – the kind that would terrify serial killers.

A club who will not be signing Cuellar, or any other player for that matter, are Blackburn. Their owners have realised that running a football requires vast sums of money – something that they unfortunately don’t seem to have much of currently.

Despite signing several other players, Liverpool have seemingly forgotten to make a sustained effort to capture a quality left-back (i.e. someone better than Paul Konchesky). Their brief flirtation with Aly Cissokho has not materialised into a serious relationship sadly.

Meanwhile, QPR may be set to sign Peter Crouch, thus ignoring the “good touch for a big man, poor touch for a footballer” maxim.

Finally, Sepp Blatter has won an award. “What?” I hear you cry. Has the world gone crazy? Even Rupert Murdoch would probably be a more popular person to honour.

Don’t worry though, he’s only gone and won the ‘celebrity villain’ of the decade award, beating off fierce competition from Fred Goodwin and Ashley Cole, who placed second and third respectively.

Read more: Do one! Malaysian Man United supporter provokes a stadium of Liverpool fans>

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About the author:

Paul Fennessy

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