When you're winning: 13 of our favourite football songs

Featuring an ode to Stern John and many more (less-deserving) players.

“It’s hard to believe it’s not Scholes…”

We presume Manchester United fans are referring to the present-day Paul Scholes when singing this song (to the tune of this ditty from Pilot), not the ’99 or ’06 vintage, in praise of Michael Carrick.

YouTube credit: Matty Perks

”There’s seven of us, and we’re louder than you!’

More often than not, fans of UCD are outnumbered during home Airtricity League fixtures. So when they have an excuse to make a racket, they capitalise.

©INPHO/Cathal Noonan

‘Luis Garcia, he drinks sangria…”

Liverpool fans loved their Rafa-lution.

YouTube credit: quiquepedre

‘Feed the [insert animal comparable to player name] and he will score!’

Our favourite versions of this ‘Bread of Heaven’ tuned song contained ‘the Goat’ (Man City fans for Shaun Goater) ‘Yak’ ( Portsmouth and Everton fans for Yakubu) and ‘Fish’ Kilmarnock fans for Conor Sammon.

“Feeeeed the fish and he will score! Feed the fish and he will score.”


Neal Simpson/EMPICS Sport

“Harry, Harry Kewell.”

Say it out loud and you have it. The Australian was indeed crazy like a fool.

THOMPSOD DAVE THOMPSON/PA Archive/Press Association Images

“All we hear is [double clap] Shinji Kagawa!”

Nothing like a bit of Queen to inspire the ex-Dortmund playmaker.

YouTube credit: QueenVEVO

“So are we, so are we, so are we.”

We’re taking the word of another contributor here. He recalls this response in a relegation scrap after one set of fans taunted the other with the familiar, ‘going down, going down, going down’.


Neal Simpson/EMPICS Sport

“Don’t blame it on the Biscan, don’t blame it on the Hamann, don’t blame it on the Finnan… Blame on Traore.”

But look what Djimi is up to these days…

YouTube credit: goalhighlightsnews

“Monday, Tuesday Habib Beye. Wednesday, Thursday Habib Beye” etc.

The ex-Newcastle and Aston Villa defender has a whole website devoted to making up stupid songs about him. But the one sung to the tune of Happy Days remains a stand-out.

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YouTube credit: pugilistofpower

Niall Quinn’s Disco Pants.

Quite simply, they are the best. Have a listen below for a treat to complete your weekend. Or if you need filling in on the story behind the ‘Disco Pants’ it’s all here on the (always 100% reliable) Wikipedia page.

YouTube credit: clarkysafc09

“He’s big, he’s fast, his first name should come last, Stern John, Stern John”

That’s our man, Stern.

MICHAEL SOHN/AP/Press Association Images

And, if you keep humming that same tune…

“He’s fat, he’s Scouse, He’s probably robbed your house.”

That’s what Manchester United fans thought of this kid when he was still ‘once a blue..’

David Kendall/PA Archive/Press Association Images

Team of Gary Breens

Y’all know the words.

Image credits: INPHO

Give us a bar of your favourite (not completely offensive) terrace ditty.

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