BEFORE THIS WEEK is out, the national broadcaster will hold a precious little reel (or whatever they record stuff on nowadays) with footage of the TV debuts of Second Captains.
Yes, the famous five of Eoin McDevitt, Ken Early, Ciaran Murphy, Simon Hick and Mark Horgan have all been on our box in one form or another before – TheScore.ie can’t be the only one who watched half an hour of Off The Ball on Setanta late at night… can we? – but this is different.
Thursday evening will be their own stab at a fully fledged grown-up TV show. And so long as they follow these simple rules of the small screen, video can’t possibly kill the radio stars.
Keep a fairly tight rein on your guests
Probably safest if you avoid Tom Cruise altogether, actually. No matter how good he says Days of Thunder 2 is gonna be.
YouTube credit: G Patton
But mind your manners
Embrace the couch
Tom jumpin’ round the couch like a mad eejit reminds us; this pilot looks set to be a cosy, couchy late-night TV show.
Some shows have tried to use couches to give the feel of a relaxed atmosphere, but it never turns out that way.
Fantasy Football was a proper couchy show. Zane Lowe’s Gonzo on MTV2 was almost exclusively couch. Top Gear, on the other hand, got lost somewhere between back seat and and torture chamber.
Remember, a couch is not just for sitting on. Own it.
If you borrow Miriam O’C's sofa, be sure to lob some sort of protective blanket over it
She’d go spare if she found any crumbs from Simon Hick’s protein bars.
Don’t be afraid of going against popular opinion
YouTube credit: ullArmy9
Do your research
Horgan, make sure the lads know exactly when they’re on
YouTube credit: PlaneandCar CrashTV·
No pen-throwing /stealing of Dunphy’s thunder
Eamo has already been brought to tears on the podcast. But just because he has bared his soul doesn’t mean he ain’t still king of the RTE Sport jungle, baby!
So keep the madness in check (until he hangs up his crown and sceptre).
If the tele-prompter is broken / sabotaged just say ‘boom goes the dynamite!’
Repeat it over and over to yourself. Just like this dude does after an excruciating two minutes and 25 seconds of this video.
Now, no zany Ron Burgundy/ Veronica Corningstone bloopers for you.
Foolproof.
YouTube credit: Kurt Christensen
Don’t feel the need to go out and entertain the masses…
… that’ll come if you stick to being your insightful selves
As Eddie O’Sullivan used to say: Focus on the process, not the result.
Make sure your mic is off if you want to ask a guest about their private life
Better yet, just avoid the subject of “smashing it” altogether.
Spend Pat Kenny’s wages wisely*
Even split five ways, that kinda money could change a man.
