Here we go. We’re putting up with Adrian Chiles so you don’t have to, as the teams warm up on the Stamford Bridge pitch.

As expected, Fernando Torres is dropped in favour of Demba Ba, while John Terry will also start on the bench. Wayne Rooney misses out for United, with Alex Ferguson revealing that the England striker has a groin strain. Javier Hernandez starts up front with Danny Welbeck, with Robin van Persie named among the substitutes.

Here are the teams…

Chelsea: Cech, Azpilicueta, Ivanovic, Luiz, Cole, Ramires, Mikel, Hazard, Oscar, Mata, Ba
Subs: Turnbull, Lampard, Torres, Moses, Terry, Benayoun, Bertrand

Man Utd: De Gea, Jones, Smalling, Ferdinand, Evra, Valencia, Carrick, Cleverley, Nani, Welbeck, Hernandez
Subs: Lindegaard, Giggs, Young, van Persie, Powell, Kagawa, Vermijl

Referee: Phil Dowd (Staffordshire)

Well, Rafa and Fergie have shaken hands. Suppose we can all go home now.

The match kicks off!

On the subject of the handshake…

Meanwhile, on the pitch, we’ve had a scrappy start. Both sides giving away possession easily and no notable chances yet.

Robin van Persie said that this would be a bore, and so far he’s been proved right.

“He has a way of showing you the ball, Danny Welbeck, you think he’s lost it and then he reels it in again.”

And then he loses it.

There remains, sadly, no hint whatsoever that anything interesting will happen on the Stamford Bridge pitch. Neither team pressing the other. It is the antithesis to the ‘classic Cup tie,’ whatever the hell that is.

Shocking from Nani. The Portuguese receives the ball after a fine run by Welbeck. United are three on three and all the winger has to do is find Hernandez, but his woeful pass is intercepted.

Meanwhile, Ashley Cole is off the pitch with that looks like a hamstring injury, Ryan Bertrand replaces him.

You really get the feeling that this needs the comic stylings of one Fernando Elizabeth Torres.

It’s now a couple of minutes since Hernandez threatened, then tried to get on his right foot, then fell on his backside. We forgot to tell you because we were inspecting our fingernails.

Chance! Hazard slides the ball to Ba and the striker’s shot is well saved by David de Gea at his near post. First effort on target in the game for either side, according to our not-exactly-scientific statistical analyses.

Clive Tyldesley: “We’ve heard that David Luiz is trying to help Oscar get over his natural shyness. That begs the question who’s helping David Luiz get over his?”

ITV commentary, everybody.

#brutal

Shot by Nani, who skips past Mata before shooting wide of Cech’s goal. That’s the best thing he’s managed in 38 minutes. At the other end…

Chance! Hazard plays a one-two with Oscar before shooting high and wide. It looked briefly like that was flying in. Hazard has been Chelsea’s best player once again.

Hernandez advances with the ball and unleashes a shot from distance that almost wrong-foots Cech. The Chelsea ‘keeper manages to save it with his trailing leg, however, still scoreless.

Bertrand appears to pull Nani back in the box but Phil Dowd decides that it’s not a penalty. Seen them given, and Bertrand would have had to walk for a professional foul.

Chelsea are lucky.

Half-Time: Clive Tyldesley says it’s been low key and not exactly what we expected. He may speak for himself, the scheduling of this always meant it’d be a dull affair.

It really has been dreadful but we live in hope for something, ANYTHING, newsworthy to happen in the second half.

After a glorious 15 minutes wherein a Freddo bar was eaten and some cold water was administered to try and wake oneself up…

We’re back.

United start with a Nani free-kick that fails to beat the Chelsea wall. More of the same, so.

1-0 to Chelsea! Demba Ba ’49.

A stunning goal from Ba, who watches Mata’s lofted ball drop over his shoulder before he turns and volleys past De Gea. Not unlike the goal he scored for Newcastle against United early last season.

A yellow card for Tom Cleverley, who turns Ramires upside down and the right side up with a late challenge.

Chelsea have been pressing and pressing. Ramires and Hazard both have chances to double the London side’s lead but De Gea fists the ball away.

Meanwhile, for those of you who want to see the Ba goal, click here.

Chances at both ends!

First, Cech pulls off an absolutely magnificent save from Hernandez’ header – easily the closest United have come to a goal – before Hazard finds the side netting with his shot.

Robin van Persie has come on for United, replacing the pointless Tom Cleverley, while Ryan Giggs takes the place of the even pointlesser Nani.

What a chance!

Hazard is on to a loose pass from Carrick like a flash. His first touch is sublime but the Belgian shoots wide with just De Gea to beat. Poor from Carrick there.

The game has improved immeasurably in the second half. So much so, in fact, that we wouldn’t even mind some extra time.

Azpilicueta – definitely his first mention in this liveblog – is booked.

A fine ball from Giggs ends up with Valencia, but the Ecuadorian’s cross is too high for van Persie.

We’re at least ten minutes from Fergie-time anyway.

There are four minutes left, plus whatever amount of time Fergie adds on.

On the pitch, it’s easy to tell that van Persie is going through his leanest spell in English football, as he volleys over an Evra cross when left alone in the Chelsea box.

End to end stuff, as Mata is denied. The Spaniard goes on to be booked for a foul on Valencia.

There will be four added minutes…

A great chance for substitute Victor Moses, who fails to get a shot away as the ball sticks under his feet.

Ashley Young produces one of his five decent crosses a season but it falls on the head of the off-form van Persie, who heads over.

Torres replaces Ba with just seconds remaining.

Full-Time!

Chelsea will go on to face Manchester City in the FA Cup for the first time since the early ’70s, as Demba Ba’s sensational volley gives the Blues a 1-0 win 0ver Manchester United.

The first half was appalling but there was an improvement in the second half. Neither side registered too many efforts on target, while Petr Cech pulled off one exceptional save from Javier Hernandez shortly after Ba’s goal.

United can content themselves with an inevitable Premier League title win, while Rafael Benitez is partially vindicated for resting 787 of his players against Southampton.

That’s all from us, thanks for keeping up.