Or you can just pop through this and try to find a pattern from the biggest games between the two in the last 20 years.

You can also learn of the great history of Madrid. The five European cups of the fifties. The Franco influence, the essence of being a madridismo.

Phil Ball writing in Morbo explains this “For those that adopt the winning is all attitudes, teams like Barcelona who insist their club is “more than a club” are merely rummaging about in the rubble of their own defeatism, looking for extra-mural scraps to cover up the truth of their (relative) non achievement.”

Ouch. Of course Barca have won the odd trophy since that book was published so perhaps the Madrid psyche has changed.

Forget Franco, Sunyol, who should have signed De Stefano, and who did sign Figo. Let’s focus on the recent past. Barca were stifled at the Bernebeu and then mugged last week in the Copa Del Ray final.

That above all else needs to be remembered before tonight. You can cram the rest.

Maths

1. That is the number of goals scored in open play that these two managed in 210 minutes of action over the past ten days. 3-3 draw it is then, especially when the absence of Ricardo Carvalho is taken into account and the fact that Javier Maschearano may be asked to plug a hole in the Barca defence. Calculators at the ready.

Economics.
This is a loose subject with these two. Real borrow money (often from Catalan banks) to buy superstars and then ask the King of Spain to just, you know, forget about it. Barcelona thought it made economic sense to sign Zlatan Ibrahamoivc for €40m and Samuel Eto’o.

Neither need the money from progression. There is always someone ready to write a check for Spain’s big two.

Psychology

Jose’s Top-of-the-class here. Mourinho’s mind games seem to be working, judging by Pep Guardiola’s uncharacteristically colourful press conference in Madrid last night.

“In this room [Real Madrid's press room], he is the chief, the f****** man.”

This subject may require a lot of classes. Students will need to watch how the preening Portuguese and proud Catalan joust across each other. The barbs traded will play a major part and you will need to keep an eye on how close they get to each other. You should also keep an eye on the action on the pitch.

Philosophy

Barca are beautiful. They believe football has a higher purpose and look down upon those who care only about winning. They of course want to win, but it is not enough. If students want an easy way to remember the Barca way; think Arsenal but effective.

Real are, let’s stay neutral and diplomatic here; pragmatic. Any team with their attacking talents cannot be dismissed as merely functional. But on the flip side anyone who plays Pepe in the middle of midfield doesn’t do it for subtlety.

If Jose gets his way, students can sum up the opposing styles by recalling that scene in Indiana Jones where Indy seizes up a King-Fu expert who goes through his whole repertoire, and then shoots him.

Possible teams

Real Madrid: Casllias;Arebeloa;Ramos;Pepe;Marcelo;Ozil;Alonso;Diarra;Di Maria;Ronaldo;Benzema.

Barcelona: Valdes;Alves;Puyol;Pique;Mascherano;Busquets;Xavi;Iniesta;Pedro;Villa;Messi.

Further reading
Graham Hunter thinks Jose deserves credit for challenging Barca.

Jose had a pop at Pep yesterday over referees. Pot.Kettle.Black.

Sid Lowe on the two X-men. Xabi and Xavi.

James Lawton wrote this on Jose last Friday. It’s Xavi’esque in execution.

FourFourTwo’s La Liga Loca blog wrote this last Thursday to give you an idea of the partisan press on both sides of Spain.

Timetable

Same bat-time, same Score place kids. The boys will be supervising from pm.