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Malcolm Croft/PA/PA Archive/Press Association Images

The Magnificent Seven: Sports stars on screen

Some people just do not know when they should stick to the day job.

1. Steve Collins (Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels)

The Irish former WBO middleweight and super middleweight champion proved he had some acting chops when playing completely against type as a ballet dancer in Darren Aronofsky’s ‘Black Swan.’

OK, so nothing about that sentence is true. Collins did briefly flirt with cinematic fame in Guy Ritchie’s much lauded first feature film, playing the bouncer at a high stakes poker game, however.

He was rather convincing in the part, too, though we’d like to see him tell Jason Statham to ‘do one’ now that it’s 14 years later.

(YouTube: extremeouttakes)

2. Sol Campbell (Snatch)

For Ritchie’s next feature, he substituted the burly Irishman for the then Tottenham defender in the role of ‘mildly irascible doorman number two.’

As no footage exists online and we can’t even grab a screenshot, you’ll have to take our word for it and we’ll move on…

3. Mike Tyson (Entourage)

Forget his turn in The Hangover and its pointless sequel, Tyson displays his comedy chops during a meeting with Ari Gold. The former heavyweight world champion wants to cultivate a ‘good guy’ reputation with a starring role in an interracial Brady Bunch redux opposite Jessica Simpson.

The resignation and disappointment in his voice when Ari makes a joke about a certain ‘ear biting’ incident is hilarious.

(YouTube: TheTrueblue1997)

4. John McEnroe (Mr. Deeds)

A reprehensible film it may have been (though still nowhere near as bad as ‘Jack and Jill’*), but the bad boy of tennis gets into the spirit of things alongside Adam Sandler.

True story: McEnroe’s ‘car jump’ is completely real, off the cuff, impromptu, in no way the work of a body double/CGI and real. Yep, that word again? Real.

5. David Beckham (Goal!)

For a film that was probably not even deemed good enough for a straight-to-DVD release and sent back in time to die on Betamax, it did attract a fair number of A-list football talent in ‘blink and you’ll miss them’ roles. Alan Shearer, Sven Goran Eriksson, Raul and Zinedine Zidane all wasted perfectly good Sunday afternoons on this nonsense.

Our favourite clip is of a pre-Hollywood David Beckham, showing Richard Harris-esque levels of on-screen charisma.

(YouTube: Andy Harmer)

6. ‘Eddie and Macca go head to head as rival sports agents, but after a run in with notorious Irish gangster, Gerry McDermott, these two men must work together to get themselves out of the mess they’ve created before they end up six feet under.’

OK, this hasn’t quite happened yet, but all the rumours suggest that Ashley Cole, Joe Cole and Sam Allardyce will feature in the new film to star thespianic behemoth, Daniel Dyer. It’s called ‘Played.’

The thought terrifies us.

7. Lance Armstrong (Dodgeball)

“Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn’t have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you Peter. I’m sure this decision won’t haunt you forever.”

Quite.

(Screengrab)

*A quick look at McEnroe’s filmography reveals he also had a part in ‘Jack and Jill.’ The horror.

Julich leaves Team Sky because of doping past >

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    Mute Michael Murray
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    Jan 26th 2025, 8:02 AM

    It was a cracking 40 alright. The improvement in accuracy vs their form in last couple of games was amazing. Thought young Coughlan brought a great tempo to the game and the backrow response to it was a delight to watch.

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    Mute damien reidy
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    Jan 26th 2025, 9:36 AM

    It was a very very good 40 ,
    We have struggled to out teams away and points in the right direction

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    Mute Donie Bolger
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    Jan 26th 2025, 1:17 PM

    Diarmaid Kilgallon was on fire, particularly in the first half. Many thanks to Dian Bleuler who was outstanding for every game.

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    Mute Fagin Strauss
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    Jan 26th 2025, 9:23 AM

    Strange going for a 6-2 split against the Dragons.

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    Mute Niall English
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    Jan 26th 2025, 9:28 AM

    @Fagin Strauss: have we any other backs that were actually fit to go on the bench?

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    Mute Thesaltyurchin
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    Jan 26th 2025, 10:32 AM

    @Fagin Strauss: Shows how important a game it was imo. Going into any game you cant prepare for cr€pness.

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    Mute damien reidy
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    Jan 26th 2025, 10:55 AM

    @Thesaltyurchin: completely agree ,
    This game had the potential to be a rough night

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    Mute adizlack93
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    Jan 26th 2025, 2:34 PM

    Against the worst team in the league. Then lost the second half 19-7. Take the points and move on but not a good 80 overall

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    Mute Kieran Jones
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    Jan 26th 2025, 5:11 PM

    @adizlack93: Nobody said the 80 was good but there is more context to the 2nd half.

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    Mute Thesaltyurchin
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    Jan 26th 2025, 7:18 PM

    @adizlack93: praise be the oracle has spoketh

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    Mute Brenda Collins
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    Jan 27th 2025, 1:22 AM

    @adizlack93: with a backrower in the centre, another backrower on the wing, a winger in the centre, and an academy hooker at blindside flanker. And they damn near got another score right at the end. Calm down.

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    Mute Justin Robinson
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    Jan 26th 2025, 12:55 PM

    Burns was excellent. Munster look much better with him at 10.

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    Mute Thesaltyurchin
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    Jan 26th 2025, 8:03 PM

    @Justin Robinson: Was average imo, some sloppy passes at crucial times, looks tired after 20, glorious open kicking tho, talk of Flannery coming back but after tonights game I’d keep Billy just where he is lol! If Tony B isn’t going to grab it Munster need cover there.

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    Mute Brenda Collins
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    Jan 27th 2025, 1:23 AM

    @Thesaltyurchin: has flannery delivered the goods at 10 for ulster?

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    Mute Thesaltyurchin
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    Jan 27th 2025, 9:29 AM

    @Brenda Collins: Not by a long shot imo, but has been dogged by injury AND they’re not playing great rn, tho I still fancy Ulster to make playoffs and potentially be a problem. Ben Brownlee the next player for a potential move to Munster.

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