IT WAS A killer blow. A low point for Irish rugby on a dark, dark day in Parma.
Scotland’s Sarah Law tore the World Cup qualification dream to shreds as she nailed a last-gasp conversion; the death knell ringing and the postmortem beginning, as Ireland players dropped to their knees in floods of tears.
Kathryn Dane was on the bench, having been called ashore in the latter stages of the 20-18 defeat, likely with nothing but a blank look on her face.
“Disbelief, just absolute shock” was the Enniskillen woman’s feeling there and then, as the whirlwind of emotion began.
“I would normally be a very critical and skeptical person myself, as a PHd student, I’m always questioning and challenging things myself anyway,” she explains.
“But under no circumstances did I ever foresee we wouldn’t have beaten Spain and Scotland and qualified for the World Cup. That hit me the worst. I didn’t see it coming.
“And then the grief of realising, ‘Jeez, that whole 18 months was for nothing really.”
Supported by her family and partner “as soon as we got off the plane,” with Rugby Players Ireland providing the necessary emotional and psychological backing, that was something that stayed with the scrum-half through the journey of despair which followed.
After all, as amateurs, the sacrifices made to get to that point were endless: “Making excuses, saying no to things, sacrificing work and social occasions just to make sure I was in the best place possible for those World Cup qualifiers… that was the most disappointing and gutting thing about it for us.
“And maybe it is a good thing we are amateurs because we have our studies and our work to fall back on, but that makes it very difficult to make time to actually sit with the grief and deal with these things too.
“You can never underestimate the emotional side of this.”
It’s almost six weeks on now, and while the grieving process may continue for others, it has wrapped up for Dane.
She “fell back in love with rugby again” during her first game back in the Old Belvedere jersey, and is immersed in her studies at Trinity College, where she’s spent the past six years between her undergraduate studies in physiotherapy, and now post-graduate degree and PhD, in which she’s researching the tackle in women’s rugby.
“It’s still bitterly disappointing and still going to haunt me for the rest of my days. It’s a scar that is going to be there with us forever.
“I’m over the grief of it and really keen to put the green jersey in an even stronger place in the future. I’ve turned a corner and I’m really, really keen to push on and drive the re-build with the team.
“That’s how I cope, by trying to find solutions to these things. I don’t like to dwell on it. I know the talent is there with the girls, and that certainly gives me the hope, that we will be ten times the players for this experience.
“While it was so bitterly disappointing, it’s actually a great opportunity for us to be even stronger. Especially for all the young players in the team, they’d have never experienced matches or challenges like that. So it will actually stand us in good stead moving on.”
With reviews in full flow, change is already on the way with the departure of Adam Griggs from the helm after the autumn tests against USA and Japan on 12 (this Friday) and 20 November respectively, and the arrival of Greg McWilliams.
Dane doesn’t know a whole pile about the reviews — but “we would absolutely insist on players being involved” — or coach changeover, though stresses player ownership after the shortcoming in Parma.
Like Stacey Flood, the 25-year-old accepts that fault lays at the feet of the players, rather than with wider IRFU failures that have been debated no end over the past few weeks. And Griggs, she says, has ultimately taken the hit.
“I personally feel that’s a bit of a cop-out on our behalf, that we’re not taking enough accountability for it all. Behind closed doors, as players, we have done our de-brief. We have acknowledged our mistakes and we are really keen to take responsibility.
“Because we were at the wheel in Italy. And a lot of those mistakes that were made, it was up to us to adapt and change our plans. So I do feel bad that Griggsy has taken an awful lot of the heat. But as players we are taking that responsibility. I know there hasn’t been anything public about that but behind closed doors, we are.”
On Griggs, who took the reins in November 2017 and handed Dane her breakthrough in senior international rugby, she added: “He was a massive part of my career. And I suppose being a scrum-half himself, having that knowledge was a massive help for me.
“I have developed from being a very young, naïve junior player to become a lot stronger. And even off the pitch, he has helped to grow me as a player. So he has been a massive help to me and he will be a loss. I suppose I haven’t read too much into Greg McWilliams. But maybe the fresh start will be good for us.
“Adam has done an awful lot for us and personally, I’m very, very grateful for all the support he has given me. I hope to keep in touch with him and talk scrum-half stuff with him in the future.”
There’s a real next chapter feel now though, with a new-look squad in place ahead of the upcoming RDS double-header, and Dane doesn’t hide her optimism for the future.
Also a talented soccer player, representing Northern Ireland up to U19 level before joining the Irish Sevens programme, you could forgive her for having a tinge of jealousy, with some of her former team-mates heading to their first ever major tournament in Euro 2022 next summer.
But as every top sportsperson does, she uses it as motivation.
“It’s funny looking at the media out there at the moment with soccer girls, they’ve gone from strength to strength, both the Northern Ireland women and the Irish ladies,” Dane concludes. “It’s just incredible, the support that’s out there, and that’s definitely something that we’re aspiring to within our team. I’d love to be in that position.
“You sometimes wonder ‘Oh, Jeez, maybe if I had stayed with the soccer, it might have taken me in a totally different direction…’
“But no, I’m really, really happy where I am with the Irish rugby, and I know we can get there someday.”
Ireland senior international and Ulster rugby player Kathryn Dane was this week announced as a Trinity Sport Scholarship student athlete for 2021/22
