SEPP BLATTER IS finally out of the top job in football. Here’s just a few reasons why every right-minded person in the world wanted this day to come much sooner.
1. Lads, we’ve found the perfect sites for our quadrennial money-making machine to stop off in 2018 and 2022!
2. Given that homesexuality is still outlawed in Qatar, what are gay visitors to the World Cup supposed to do, Sepp?
“I would say they should refrain from any sexual activities.”
3. Oh, Gee! That IS good news!
4. No, Fernanda Lima. Of course you don’t have to dance with me just because I’m the most powerful man in the world’s most popular sport…
5. Remember that time he suggested tighter shorts to boost the women’s game? Classic Sepp.
6. He openly mocked our great and proud nation at a low ebb
Okay, so it was a rubbish idea, but COME ON!
7. This is the same Sepp Blatter who wanted to abolish draws in 2004
Yes, as in the draw that happens when a winner can’t be found after 90 minutes. Not the kind that goes on for hours on end to decide which World Cup pool each team goes in to.
8. It’s important to shake everbody’s hand. You never know when you’ll need their help, plus it keeps your feet on the grooouuuunnd.