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Danny Murphy holds the armband against Everton last March Joe Giddens/EMPICS Sport
conjecture

Fantasyland: You're the manager, captain whoever the hell you like

Some bloke called Fabio Capello resigned because he wanted to captain John Terry and reap the double points from his clean sheets. What’s wrong with that?

A MANAGER RESIGNED? Who?

Was it, Wenger? Villas Boas?

A ha, I know, it was Steve Kean wasn’t it – the bad vibes finally got the better of  him.

Well, who then?

Fabio what-now? Sorry, I don’t pay attention to anything other than the serious business of fantasy football. Why did he jump ship?

I know how he feels, I once captained Clint Dempsey, but forgot to log out of my team. My flatmate stripped Dempsey of the armband and put it on Jamie Carragher instead.

I felt violated, Carragher scored an own goal. If I could have resigned then and there, I would have.

Anyway, on with the show.

Two player to pick this week

Gareth Bale: White Hart Lane is going to be like one big homecoming party this Saturday and the pressure will be on some to perform in front of the next England manager. Gareth Bale, on the other hand will be (foot loose and fancy) free to wreak havoc on the Newcastle defence in tandem with Emmanuel Adebayor.

Yakubu: Feed the Yak and he will score. Christopher Samba may or may not make himself available to play against QPR, but Yakubu will and he’ll be hungry after serving his three-match ban. Against Mark Hughes’ frail looking outfit he can put that rather large, well-rested body of his to good use.

Two to avoid this week:

Laurent Koscielny: I can’t bring myself to believe that Arsenal will win away from home to a confident Sunderland side. Martin O’Neill will make no apologies for targetting the Gunners at their weakness. Sunderland will move possession hard and fast, they’ll get balls in the box and the strain of dealing with Fraizer Campbell and Stephane Sessegnon will be too much for one Koscielny to take.

Luis Suarez: It won’t be an easy game for Suarez, booed at every touch, conscious of every movement. He will avoid getting himself booked or embroiled in confrontation, but he will reign his efforts in so far as to render him a passenger for the Reds.

Predictions:

Man Utd 0 – 0 Liverpool

Blackburn 2 – 1 QPR

Bolton 2 – 2 Wigan

Everton 2 – 3 Chelsea

Fulham 2 – 0 Stoke

Sunderland 1 – 0 Arsenal

Swansea 2 – 0 Norwich

Tottenham 3 – 1 Newcastle

Wolves 1 – 0 West Brom

Aston Villa 0 – 0 Man City

How my team got on last week:

Do as I say, not as I do. I won 61 points thanks to making young Wayne Rooney my vice captain (luckily Vincent Kompany didn’t play) and the ever-so reliable, James McClean pitched in too.

Who’s leading TheScore.ie league?

Well now, let’s just see… ooh it’s another week where Deceptively Slow has lost ground. Tog in your useless has narrowed the gap to just 13 measily points after outpointing the leader again, this time 72-88. Squeaky bum time.

With RVP killing Blackburn Rovers there was scope for some high scores, and nobody scoped it more than Pa Morrisey with Bullcelona.

His amazing 110 points came thanks mainly to captain Van Persie’s 46 points. 11 apiece from Kun Aguero, McClean and 14 from Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain did no harm either.

Oh, Trap: No place for McClean in Ireland squad

Poll: Is this the right Ireland squad, or has Trap made a mess of things?