IAN HARTE WANTS to be a football agent, so we went to the best to come up with some tips for the former Ireland full-back.
Introducing six lessons from Jerry Maguire for Louth’s finest free-kick taker…
1) Manage the attitude
Should our Ian find himself repping the next Rooney, the next Wilshere, or the next, ehm, David Bentley, he needs to stop his young charge from believing the hype just because they’ve had a decent couple of cameos in the Rumbelows Cup.
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2) Personal relationships
The key to this business, says Dicky Fox, is ‘personal relationships.’ Ian will need to cosy up to the management types if he’s to get the best deals for his players. He’ll also want to hope that Giovanni Trapattoni doesn’t return to the club game. That could be… awkward.
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3) Do your homework
Believe us Ian, you’ll see things clearer afterwards if you do a mission statement, but prepare for the likes of Pavel Pogrebnyak and Jobi McAnuff to slag you off behind your back – don’t worry though, you’ll prove them wrong before the credits roll.
Cut to 6.10…
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4) Don’t try and do it alone
It’s a cynical, cynical world Ian. Find your Renée and never let her go. A word of warning, though, try to steer away from any grandstanding in front of a group of middle aged women. You will lose credibility.
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5) It’s all about the ‘Quan’
Not sure what the Louth version of ‘Quan’ might be, but how and ever. Master the art of smiling politely while your clients go off on a little tangent.
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6) Roll with the punches…
…pick up the phone, swallow your pride and be prepared to do anything to keep your clientele…
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…yes…anything…
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