WE START OFF today with news that Alex Ferguson has disappointed Man United fans worldwide, telling Paris St Germain they have no hope of signing Dimitar Berbatov.

Liverpool, meanwhile, will look to sign either Kevin Doyle or Daniel Sturridge, depending on who you believe, with the latter move said to involve Raul Meireles going the other way.

Whoever they sign, if anyone, may end up having to play second fiddle to Luis Suarez and Andy Carroll. So let’s hope Doyle’s prospective move to Liverpool doesn’t turn into a Robbie Keane-esque disaster.

In other news, Arsene Wenger will finally get off his high horse and sign Phil Jagielka – one of those overly physical-type players he’s spent the past few years criticising.

True to form, however, Wenger is also lining up moves for French-based players you’ve never heard of – Rennes’ Yann M’Vila and Lille’s Eden Hazard in this case, with bids of £15million and £20million respectively.

Having failed to sign just about everybody else, Spurs will bid for Diego Forlan and Joey ‘polar opposite of Luka Modric’ Barton. Perhaps they should christen him ‘Joey Modric’ in a kind of ironic tribute to their differences. Or perhaps not.

Finally, when the not-entirely-oblivious-to-common-sense England manager, Fabio Capello, starts giving you advice, Arsene Wenger should know he’s in trouble.

Ill-advised prospective deal of the day: AC Milan want to sign Aquilani. Cue: endless screams of joy from Liverpool fans.

Advised prospective deal of the day: Blackburn are set to sign Hoffenheim striker Vedad Ibisevic, who’s bound to be better than the players they have up front at the moment, not to name names (<cough Jason Roberts>).