The Departures Lounge: your daily lunchtime transfer round-up

Find out who Liverpool plan to add to their already extensive list of signings, what has Mario Balotelli said now and why Blackburn may yet avoid relegation.

Will Simon Vukcevic be the man to give Blackburn supporters scope for optimism?
Will Simon Vukcevic be the man to give Blackburn supporters scope for optimism?

THIS MORNING, TWITTER has been abuzz with rumours that Liverpool and Man City will make yet another signing.

They will apparently move for Sebastian ‘in no way linked to the Dream Team character of the same surname’ Coates.

Never heard of him? Well, you may have heard of a lad by the name of Craig Bellamy, who Liverpool are also allegedly interested in. I swear, this is not a joke, the Daily Mail are reporting it.

In a bid to ensure their squad is not full of discontented midfielders, they will also rid themselves of Alberto Aquilani and Joe Cole.

Predictably, Mario Balotelli is being his usual unpredictable self – today, he rather randomly admitted he would love to play for Palermo.

Elsewhere, Steve Kean has brought in the equivalent of a magic wand, Simon Vukcevic, in order to rescue their season from the pits of despair.

Ashley Young, Phil Jones and Stewart Downing are all players Spurs tried and failed to sign in the summer. Hence, their conspicuous inability to buy anyone in any way decent (save Friedel) in recent months.

And finally, will Bastian Schweinsteiger be the man to rescue Arsenal from their so-called crisis? And if so, will Arsenal fans start mounting pigs in tribute to the great man?

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Advised prospective deal of the day: While he spends most of his time tweeting Smiths’ lyrics, Joey Barton is a fine footballer when he puts his mind to it. West Ham would be doing very well indeed if they sign him.

Ill-advised prospective deal of the day: Why would Liverpool even contemplate offloading Dirk Kuyt? Sure, he may not be as glamorous-sounding as some of their more high-profile recent signings, but he has a level of tenacity that few Premier League players can match.

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Paul Fennessy

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