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Mike Egerton/EMPICS Sport
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Five steps to heaven...

Here’s this week’s highly-ambitious accumulator. If it comes in, consider this my letter of resignation.

IS THERE A particular job in your workplace which everyone tries to avoid?

A certain customer calls and suddenly there’s a rush to the canteen? The boss asks for a volunteer to go through a certain file and it’s all eyes to the floor? You’re told to clean that up or you can’t go to the Christmas party again?

Well… welcome to my favourite task of the week, in which I show you how to lose your money in the most efficient way possible.

Here’s this week’s five-time accumulator.

1. After the international break, the focus returns to the spit-and-sawdust shop floor of club football. We’re spoilt for action with a packed League of Ireland schedule, the Premier League returns, the Milan derby in Italy and La Liga games go ahead despite lockout worries.

In England, a resurgent West Ham ‘welcome’ Manchester United to Upton Park. Our Fantasy Football experts tipped Thomas ‘Der Hammer’ Hitzelsberger this morning. He’s one of our super-faves – and 14-1 to score first.

You had me at 14-1.

2. I fell asleep on the couch last night watching the Dodgers and Giants which means it must be baseball season! Where does the time go?

Andrew McGeady spoke really slowly and drew lots of diagrams as he explained the game to the slow learners amongst us this week. Here’s everything you need to know to follow America’s game from Ireland and how you can pick an MLB team to follow.

Now you know all that, back a mean-looking Red Sox to beat last year’s World Series losers the Texas Rangers in the Lone Star state. 8-11.

3. The award-winning 1980s film Rain Man was adapted from a book written by our horse racing savant Mark Hobbs. I just texted him to ask for a tip: Gunner Lindley in the Lincoln at Doncaster, around 10-1.

I don’t understand all of that, but I think that’s code for something.

4. Just because it’s on telly, Dublin to beat Down 4-9. Boom!

5. Munster host their old roomies from the Ireland camp as Leinster visit. The bookies fancy the Reds but let’s be contrary and go for the metropolitans to squeeze home; 13-10.

Stake: €5

Potential returns: €4303.79