FORMER LIVERPOOL AND England goalkeeper Chris Kirkland has opened up on his struggles during a decade-long addiction to painkillers.
In an interview with the Times and the Guardian, Kirkland revealed his addiction started after a series of back problems and he got to a stage where he considered taking his own life.
The goalkeeper said there was a clause in his Sheffield Wednesday contract that if he missed three games with a back injury, they could rip the deal up.
I’m Chris Kirkland I’ve been Addicted to Painkillers for 10 years wow it feels good and freeing to say that story now out @henrywinter @benfisherj @TimesSport @guardian hope it helps people live on @talkSPORT 11am https://t.co/TEpgf8mejH pic.twitter.com/67tKZo420a
— Chris Kirkland (@ChrisKirkland43) July 21, 2022
“That was playing on my mind, so I got hold of some painkillers, tramadol, [which] took the pain away and also helped me with the anxiety of travelling away from home, to and from Sheffield.”
Subsequently, he signed for Preston who released him in 2016. Then he joined Bury, where the situation spiralled. He credits his wife, Leeona, and daughter, Lucy, for their ceaseless support.
“I should never have signed. We stayed in these apartment blocks [in pre-season in Portugal] and I was in a bad way. I didn’t want to be there and I just wanted to come home.
“I felt a pull back – and Leeona and Lucy were not there, obviously – but I knew it was them saying: ‘Look, get home, we can help.’ I rang Leeona, broke down and said: ‘I’m addicted to painkillers, I need help.’
“You’re not meant to take any more than 400mg a day of tramadols and I was on 2,500mg a day. In the end they don’t work, they just mess you up, mentally.
“You kid yourself thinking: ‘I’ll stop next week, I’ll stop next week.’ I had a couple of really bad incidents where I took 10 or 12 of them, so over 2,000mg, and I was hallucinating in the house.
“I had heart palpitations, was in and out of consciousness. That made me stop for a few days because I thought: ‘I’m going to kill myself here.’ But then the addiction kicks in, your body craves it, you get the aches and pains and you know that if you take them, they’ll go away.
“I didn’t want to speak to people and it made it very difficult for Leeona and Lucy in the house. Without them I wouldn’t be here, simple as that.”
The Professional Footballers’ Association offered support and Kirkland has visited rehab on a number of occasions. The 41-year-old explained it is still a daily battle. He encouraged anyone in a similar situation to seek help.
“If you are struggling with any kind of addiction, you can’t do it yourself; it’s impossible. You’ll be kidding yourself. Be brave, ask for help and the quicker you get it, the better you’ll be.”
Need help? Support is available:
- Samaritans 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.ie
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
