EVERY FRIDAY, FLUSH with fresh optimism and an unopened pay cheque we bring you a highly-ambitious accululator.

Then in the cold light of Tuesday afternoon, we pick apart the five-timer like the Sunday papers all over a soft-ball Late Late Show interview. It’s not pretty.

As they used to say on Bullseye, here’s what you could’ve won…

1. Such a piece of work is man! Aiden McGeady had never scored for Ireland. We went for the in-form Damien Duff to hit the first goal from the opposite wing.

McGeady struck early though to blow our bets out of the water in record time. The Spartak Moscow man was a delicious 9-1.

2. What do I know about golf? Well, it’s a better class of car than a Polo.

I advised you simple readers to plough your money behind Phil Mickelson. I thought Left would find form just in time for a run at the Masters with a win at Bay Hill. He didn’t.

Martin Laird took  victory at the Arnold Palmer Invitational at a price of 4-1 after the cut. Who?

3. Waterford traveled to Noreside for their first game in a post-Ken McGrath reality. It bit.

Two controversial goals proved decisive; I fancied the Déise at 11-4 – but the Cats took the cream with a price of  1-3. God, this is getting depressing.

4. I delegated this one. Our racing columnist Mark Hobbs made both a name and a nice wedge for himself during our Cheltenham coverage.

I text him for his tip for Saturday’s Dubai World Cup. The screen lit up with the words: Gio Ponti @ 10-1.

Japan’s Victoire Pisa took the honours with our pick trotting in at a creditable fifth.

5. Let’s see if we can make this a clean sweep shall we… Munster to beat Cardiff at 11-10.

Phew.. the Reds scrape in by a single point. We’re completely vindicated.

• As Jennifer Aniston used say: here’s the science bit – if you had that €5 accumulator rather than the one I advised on Friday, you’d now have: €7680.75. Simples.