WITH LESS THAN FOUR weeks to go until the closure of the transfer window – keeping those poor millionaire footballers tied to their current employers for a savage four whole months – it can be difficult to keep up with all the wheeling and dealing.

That’s why we’ve done you a favour by grabbing all the rumours, conjecture, and downright lies circulating the interwebs to bring you a concise, hit-by-hit list of what’s going on in the transfer world.

We’re nice, aren’t we?

• Manchester City’s international exile Stephen Ireland is linked with a move to Aston Villa; Martin O’Neill is said to be a big fan of the Corkman and is prepared to swap James Milner to take command of him.
  There’s just one problem though – the serial granny-worrier isn’t prepared to take a pay cut, being on over £3m a year, and Villa aren’t necessarily all that keen on forking out quite so much.
• One of the reasons Ireland is being shunted away from Eastlands is because City are trying to free up cash for the transfer of Inter Milan striker Mario Balotelli. Similarly, though, pay is an issue for Balotelli too.
  City have no problem handing over the £25m to sign him, but the Italian wants £180,000 – that’s €215,000, almost as much as Brian Cowen gets in a year – per week, and won’t budge on his demands. City, unsurprisingly, aren’t keen.
• Spartak Moscow fans, meanwhile, are angry at how much their club are willing to pay for Ireland international Aiden McGeady, who’s in town to agree a transfer from Celtic.
  It’s believed Spartak would destroy their wage structure, prepared to offer him almost €50,000 a week, and fans aren’t sure he’s worth the club’s money. Predictably, they’ve apparently named him… McGreedski.
• Tottenham are said to be in a bidding war with Newcastle for Sporting Lisbon forward Yannick Djalo – guess who’s going to win there. Interestingly, though, that’d be another person competing against Robbie Keane for a starting berth.
• Fresh from scoring seven at the Aviva last night, Manchester United are willing to hand over Anderson in exchange for Lassana Diarra from Real Madrid, who – like most of their current roster – is surplus to requirements. Young Senegalese man Mame Biram Diouf is on his way out of Old Trafford after just one year – though only temporarily, apparently being loaned to Blackburn.
• Champions Chelsea, meanwhile, are about to finalise the purchase of Brazilian midfielder Ramires pending his medical which could be held as quickly as this evening.