THE PREMIER LEAGUE is back and while Jeff and the some of the Soccer Saturday crew were on air last weekend, the start of the Premier League season is when the A Team come back from the Canaries. Bye-bye Neil Mellor and Matt Murray, hello Phil Thompson and Matt Le Tissier.
While the football is unquestionably the centerpiece of the season, so many of us get so much enjoyment from Soccer Saturday that we decided to honour their contribution to football with 15 signs that the show has impacted your life.
1. Whenever anything spectacular happens you exclaim “UNBELIEVABLE JEFF!”
The most obvious fingerprint Soccer Saturday has left on society is with the above phrase. The weatherman said it would rain and the sun is beating down- UNBELIEVABLE JEFF!
You found €2 in the queue to Coppers- UNBELIEVABLE JEFF! But arguably its most prevalent use is when a group of male football fans come across any attractive woman. Then, the whatsapp group gets inundated with UNBELIEABLE JEFF!
I could watch that video all day.
See also: ‘Not for me, Jeff’ when you disagree with someone.
2. When you watch football with a mate from a rival team, you turn into Phil Thompson
I don’t think I love anything as much as Phil Thompson loves Liverpool. Poor Frank McLintock was paired with Phil for the cracking Liverpool Arsenal 4-2 Champions League game in 2008 and as you can see from below he is a real pain in the arse to watch a game with.
The sulking, pouting and theatrical hand gesture driven celebrations are fairly normal but I draw the line at punching poor Frank in the arm every time Liverpool score. We might not like to admit it, but there is definitely a little Phil Thompson in all of us.
3. You find it completely normal to watch a football show between 3-5pm on a Saturday without ever seeing a goal
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled wasn’t convincing the world he didn’t exist, but in convincing football fans to watch this show! The lads might produce comedy now and again but there are much more economical ways to stay in touch with the Saturday football.
4. You know who is the queue for the managerial merry-go-round
Whenever a Premier League vacancy is open, your Soccer Saturday knowledge means you can already separate the wheat candidates from the chaff because of who is on the show. Poor Alan Curbishley has been queuing for this managerial cliche for some time and you would fear for Iain Dowie too. His last job was a “football management consultant” with Hull back in 2010.
5. When you are stuck for a description, you turn into Chris Kamara
I don’t care what anybody says, I still stand by saying King Lear “fought like a beaver” in my Leaving Cert English exam.
6. When filling out your CAO form you thought “How can I be Jeff Stelling?”
Jeff has the craic on Soccer Saturday AND he used to present Countdown. That’s not even mentioning that fact that he looks great for 59. Whatever skin cream he uses, I want some.
7. You’ve reasoned a friend’s unusual behaviour away with a shrug followed by “Klassic Kammy”
We all have a friend who means well but their boundless enthusiasm ends up getting in their way again and again. Fortunately, most of these people don’t get jobs doing live television.
8. You know when you should absolutely abandon a joke
Jeff and Kammy= good banter. Jeff and “Champagne” Charlie Nicholas= NEVER EVER AGAIN.
9. You know when to rock a cool pair of shades
From Kammy’s shades to Charlie Nicholas’ earring, Soccer Saturday has taught legions of fans how to be cool over the years.
10. When someone curses on air you know it is just “boys being boys”
Eamon Dunphy isn’t the only pundit who has cursed on air down the years but because of the loose pub atmosphere carefully cultivated by Jeff, Phil, Matt, Charlie and Merse, nobody seems to mind much on Soccer Saturday. As Richard Keys so deftly describes here, they are just enjoying some banter together.
https://vine.co/v/MptQqegTeIh
11. You have a code word when you need to curse in an inappropriate situation
Ever been out with your significant other’s parents or at a Christmas mass and felt the need to violently curse? Take Phil Thompson’s lead for how he got around it after John Arne Riise’s Champions League semi final OG against Chelsea in 2008.
You can’t really make out what he is saying but what is CERTAIN is that it is an old television trick to avoid a curse. For me, I go with Phil Thompson’s possible “penguin” when I need to drop an F bomb during any important social function.
12. The Soccer Saturday drinking game has put you to bed before the 5.30pm game at least once
I won’t rehash the rules here because there are many different variations that can be found online but you will really start to despise Kammy after you agreed to knock back a shot of Tequila after every “UNBELIEVABLE JEFF!”.
13. You can almost list the entire Sky commentary staff
From Dickie Davies to Johnny Phillips, you have gotten to know the Sky guys over the years. They might not ever go to go to games you actually care about you still have a soft spot for them. What Soccer Saturday fan wasn’t delighted when Johnny Phillips got his very own “UNBELIEVABLE JEFF!” moment?
14. You still like them even when they make mistakes
Brian Clough is a footballing legend and while this interview is pretty entertaining, Clough isn’t in the best state here. Still makes for interesting television but the lads probably should have let this one go.
15. You don’t know what you would do without the lads
It might not be for everyone (the lack of actual footage and the fact that it is on Sky are two problems) but there is no denying that Soccer Saturday has a lot of loyal fans who love the cringeworthy banter from the panel, Chris Kamara doing Chris Kamara things and Jeff holding it all together. I’ll wrap it up with one of the roughly 1’000’000 videos from Youtube entitled either “Klassic Kammy” or “Classic Kammy”.
What are your favourite Soccer Saturday moments?
