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Dublin: 13 °C Thursday 6 August, 2020

The Departures Lounge: your daily lunchtime transfer round-up

Find out about Alex Ferguson’s latest prospective purchase, Tottenham’s striker spending spree and why Gary Neville’s testimonial dinner didn’t exactly go off as planned.

Charlie Adam: is there any Premiership club he hasn't been linked with?
Charlie Adam: is there any Premiership club he hasn't been linked with?

DO YOU EVER get an annoying itch that won’t go away no matter how much you scratch it?

Javier Pastore is a bit like the transfer rumour equivalent of that itch. No matter how many big clubs he gets linked with, he just won’t go away.

This time, it’s Chelsea who are apparently set to make a move for the Palermo star.

Ditto Alexis Sanchez who, surprise surprise, might also be going to Man City, Chelsea or Barcelona.

Charlie Adam is another favourite of this column, although unlike Sanchez and Pastore, in his case it’s probably just his agent desperately trying to get him out of Blackpool, with Liverpool again linked with the Scot.

Another player who’s attracting the interest of clubs not quite ambitious enough to challenge for the Premier League is Charles N’Zogbia. Aston Villa are the latest team being linked with the player. And seriously, who calls themselves ‘Charles’ in this day and age.

In slightly more original news, we have proof of something happening that we all suspected would happen sooner or later: Arsene Wenger has officially gone insane. The evidence? The Arsenal manager is trying to sign United’s John O’Shea.

Speaking of United, you can look forward to plenty of cringe-worthy tabloid newspaper headlines about Alex Ferguson buying a ‘Vila’ in France, with the club set to make a bid for Rennes midfielder and France international Yann M’Vila.

Their rivals Chelsea seem considerably busier today. And if bids for everyone else fail, they will sign Porto’s Moutihno as a last resort. They might as well do something with all that money, even if it means spending it on a player who’ll more than likely turn out to be useless.

Their vastly less successful London neighbours, Tottenham, want to sign Fernando ‘Peter Crouch with added flair’ Llorente. They may have to sell Peter Crouch first though.

And what could possibly go wrong if they do sign Llorente? The last big-money transfer deal involving a Spanish striker named Fernando went alright, didn’t it?

Similarly, Spurs are interested in Giuseppe ‘rich man’s Robbie Keane’ Rossi, but they’ll have to sell to buy following a loss of income resulting from their failure to qualify for the Champions League.

Finally, Gary Neville, who brings us back nicely to our opening theme of things resembling annoying itches, was stunned into silence at his testimonial dinner when the evening’s entertainer launched into a rendition of Man City anthem Blue Moon.

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About the author:

Paul Fennessy

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