IT’S TWO MONTHS now since Vera Pauw opened up to the world.
The Republic of Ireland women’s national team manager released a statement on 1 July alleging that she was raped as a young player in the Netherlands.
Pauw alleged that she suffered two other sexual assaults during her time in Dutch football, and reported the allegations to Dutch police.
A positive reaction followed the powerful statement, and two weeks later, Pauw thanked the Irish public for their overwhelming support while appearing as a pundit on RTÉ as part of their Uefa Women’s Euro 2022 coverage.
Yesterday’s squad announcement for Ireland’s decisive double-header of World Cup qualifiers against Finland and Slovakia was her first media engagement since then, and Wednesday’s home-based squad training session at FAI HQ marked her return to the pitch.
“It’s okay to ask,” Pauw said when asked how she has been during this incredibly difficult time.
“I’ve been hiding under a stone for a few weeks, then I decided to first go on television because I wanted to thank everybody for the exceptional warmth. I said already it was overwhelming, I could hardly grasp the warmth from everybody from Ireland. It kept me on my feet.
“Ireland has shown the lead, because after that, the positive reactions were coming from elsewhere. It’s the hardest thing I’ve done in my life but also the best thing. Because I feel free, it’s out of my body, I feel open in my relationships with people. But there is still a long way to go.”
Elaborating on feeling ‘free,’ Pauw continued: “I’m happy to be open about that. It’s in all different aspects in my relations to people. You can only feel it afterwards. You feel you have to do something to change your life. I say this now to help others who maybe are not there yet. It needs to get out of your body. I feel that a barrier has disappeared.
“In little things, being confident to speak with somebody in another language that you are not so comfortable in. Even those things. That you are okay with what you are wearing. All things like that.
“People do not realise the impact that it has on a woman’s life if you keep that inside. So I want to say to all the women, if you have the guts, deal with it, because it really gets to your heart, where you look in the mirror when you dress up for the coach conference in Uefa and you think for the first time in your life, ‘Oh that looks nice on you’. Because before, you only see as if you are judged on how you look like instead of who you are.
Since releasing my statement, I have been overwhelmed by the level of support from around the world.
— Vera Pauw (@verapauw) July 16, 2022
Thank you to everyone who has reached out!
A very special mention to the people of Ireland, who have been so fantastic. You make me feel strong and proud of who I am.
Vera 💚 pic.twitter.com/E7YXmFi0p1
“That is, yeah, is freedom for me, in my relationship with people around me, especially the ones I don’t know too well. The ones that I know very well is different. But even for them, they say, ‘We see an open and more confident Vera in who you are.’”
Eight weeks to the day since releasing her statement, Pauw revealed that she has met with the Dutch FA, and expects to meet with them again, and that Fifa has made an approach.
“I’ve reacted positively but I want to repeat that I want to be seen as a coach first. I’m the same Vera. For me, it is the end of the process; for you, it is a shock…
“I’m a better Vera than I was before my statement.”
She spoke to her home-based squad about it on Wednesday, and while she won’t meet her regular international players until they report into camp on Sunday, Pauw has received “amazing, amazing messages” from some.
“Wednesday was the first time that I was on the pitch again, with the home-based players so I spoke with them, and I must say talking with them about it is much harder than talking in public about it, because they get into your heart. It’s something you have to deal with, and I’m ready for it.
“I’m full of energy. I’ve got more energy than I’ve had in years.”
